Will Peter Piper Pick a Pickler?

The Urban Crawl certainly does not traverse the streets every night, as the allure of Tuesday's American Idol has--bear with me--captured my attention.

Typically, I'm good for the awful auditions that smatter us with freak shows and unnecessary drama ("You watch, America! American Idol can kiss my *&#!") as the dearly departed exit the premises. But something special, whether it's local "talent" (more on that later) or salty-haired blues singers that look like their back hurts when they sing, has me completely immersed in an office pool and a Wednesday morning water cooler conversation.

Allow me to step aside from the nightlife feature to offer my take on the top ten, and for entertainment purposes only, a shot at handicapping the field. As of the time of this posting, the 3/28 show has concluded for voting.

Bucky Covington (25,000:1) There's simply no way this bottom-feeder, with limited vocal ability, will escape the cut in the next week or two. His silly mike toss, the mid-song squat that looks like he passed uncomfortable gas, and a country music pigeonhole performance wouldn't even be the best singer on a Saturday night at the Yellow Rose.

Lisa Tucker (10,000:1) Who is she? Resembling wallpaper, we seem to forget her weekly performance, and her age (16) pushes the maturity barrier for the demands of an Idol winner. A lack of stage presence doesn't help, and her recent rendition of "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson should do her in on whatever week Bucky doesn't go.

Ace Young (5,000:1) Already having been threatened to be sent home in the bottom three, his smoldering good looks simply do not mask his cheesy song-concluding icy stares (enough of that, already) and poor song selections. Although he sits in the top ten, the production crew probably offered a gentle nudge to the judges to consider his contribution to the ratings.

Elliott Yamin (750:1) Until last week's departure of Chicken Little, he's the least attractive contestant, with slight improvement after losing the leprechaun beard. The military-grade haircut and a train wreck of teeth won't overcome his decent lyrical ability, and he needs to overcome the hip-hop delivery his body conveys despite a different song theme.

Kellie Pickler (250:1) America's sweetheart survives even this long only on her ditsy demeanor and blonde locks, because her wooden delivery and basic country ability couldn't even win in Charlotte's "Gimme the Mike!" contest on WSOC-TV last year. Also, she's the target subject of www.votefortheworst.com, a website that mocks a contestant and encourages her vote. It didn't work long for Kevin Covais, but he wasn't hot like her, so she might crack the top five.

Taylor Hicks (30:1) The last five candidates are a tight race of talent, and will hopefully be the remaining five in weeks to come. Taylor is a professional recording artist, and perhaps his snowy hair already exhibits the signs of a man on the road. Two weeks of unimpressive performances has his star falling rapidly, and honestly, although you enjoy his stage antics, do you want a blues artist clutching the trophy?

Mandisa (20:1) The pool's second-best voice has almost rendered her weight, a subject of Simon's ridicule, as moot. But the hyprocisy of Hollywood, and the viewers of the show, probably won't elect this diva despite the uncanny victory of Ruben Studdard over Clay Aiken in season two.

Paris Bennett (10:1) This sparky little fireplug, a 17 year old from Georgia, consistently delivers a top-notch performance, and arguably occupies the spot formerly held by Taylor. Astonishing diversity in her performances, and perhaps the best stage presence of the bunch, might make her the dark horse. Contrary to Lisa Taylor, this teen exudes the confidence of a star.

Katharine McPhee/Chris Daughtry (5:1) Too close to call, Katharine's effortless performances (I mean, she did Christina Aguilera!) and Chris' rocker bad boy shtick leave their audiences shrieking. Katharine doesn't have quite the force of Chris' assembly of past weeks' blowouts, but I think she's quietly positioning herself to emulate Kelly Clarkson like Simon once mentioned. Selfishly, she's also the subject of my secret crush, but I am also a rocker by trade. I'll take either.

Do you agree? Post a reply, or email me at charlottenightlife@hotmail.com. Back to the beers next time.

It's Humane Nature

The collegiate atmosphere of Dixie’s Tavern will embrace its fraternal instincts for Wednesday’s philanthropic effort, the Humane Society of Charlotte’s “Cocktails for Critters.”

For a measly five bucks, the booze lovers and the boxer lovers will enjoy $2 Coors Lights, $3 Estrella wines, and a complimentary appetizer buffet.

Even my five year old critter, a lab mix, would pass on a cheap Coors Light (I trained him well), but the event is simply too beneficial for the homeless stray to pass up. Consider the organization’s commitment to spurning euthanasia, and how your donation goes a long way to an extra bowl of food or a low-cost vaccine to save a lil’ fella.

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Having spent a good part of the last two weeks in the Wilmington/Wrightsville Beach area for the day job, one can’t help but observe the magnification of the distinct coed ratio very much in favor of the single male.

Perhaps the salty air and a little more sun enhances a girl who is likely either a UNCW student or a budding actress on a crappy WB drama, but gentlemen, it is a gold mine. Only Charleston reigns supreme.

Ladies, spare me the endless drivel of how hard it is to meet a man in Charlotte. This banking town is your mecca.

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Saturday’s celebration of St. Patrick’s Day pits the Carolinas’ two largest cities in a selection of festivals worthy of the Urban Crawl's hard-hitting, pound-for-pound scrutiny of fun:

Event

Charlotte Goes Green Festival v. St. Pat's in Five Points (Columbia, SC)

History

Tenth year v. Twenty-fourth, respectively

Did You Know?

1st year parade consisted of one Irish band with a bagpiper v. Inaugural rainout

Estimated Attendance

30,000 v. 30,000

Cost

Free v. $10

Musical Lineup

Red Herring Irish Band, Rince Na H'Eireann, Irongrass v. Tracy Lawrence, Saliva, Seven Mary Three

Distance

Future light rail ride away v. Oh, about a hundred miles

FAQ's

What is the price equivalent of a beer that costs an arm, and a leg? v. What is this lousy mustard-based barbecue sauce?

Seen

A gluttony of boot-cut jeans and striped shirts (see picture above) v. Beer guts that don't discriminate by gender

Heard

"Our striped shirts are gonna score us some chicks!" v. "I'm still living with my parents."

Having attended both festivals over the last decade, although satisfying the palate for both cultures alike, the nod goes to Columbia. Its battle-tested tenure offers both an advantage for the contemporary music fan that's worth the nominal entry fee. Budget-conscious attendees will appreciate the small business owner doling out cans of beer for a couple of singles, while munching on a similarly-priced gyro.

The short trip, as well as reasonable hotel pricing, is worth the quick overnight getaway. While paling in comparison to Savannah's mammoth effort, our friends to the south offer an excellent alternative to our annual downtown option, probably just a few years away from matching the bet.

My choice this year? The room's already booked.