Will Peter Piper Pick a Pickler?

The Urban Crawl certainly does not traverse the streets every night, as the allure of Tuesday's American Idol has--bear with me--captured my attention.

Typically, I'm good for the awful auditions that smatter us with freak shows and unnecessary drama ("You watch, America! American Idol can kiss my *&#!") as the dearly departed exit the premises. But something special, whether it's local "talent" (more on that later) or salty-haired blues singers that look like their back hurts when they sing, has me completely immersed in an office pool and a Wednesday morning water cooler conversation.

Allow me to step aside from the nightlife feature to offer my take on the top ten, and for entertainment purposes only, a shot at handicapping the field. As of the time of this posting, the 3/28 show has concluded for voting.

Bucky Covington (25,000:1) There's simply no way this bottom-feeder, with limited vocal ability, will escape the cut in the next week or two. His silly mike toss, the mid-song squat that looks like he passed uncomfortable gas, and a country music pigeonhole performance wouldn't even be the best singer on a Saturday night at the Yellow Rose.

Lisa Tucker (10,000:1) Who is she? Resembling wallpaper, we seem to forget her weekly performance, and her age (16) pushes the maturity barrier for the demands of an Idol winner. A lack of stage presence doesn't help, and her recent rendition of "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson should do her in on whatever week Bucky doesn't go.

Ace Young (5,000:1) Already having been threatened to be sent home in the bottom three, his smoldering good looks simply do not mask his cheesy song-concluding icy stares (enough of that, already) and poor song selections. Although he sits in the top ten, the production crew probably offered a gentle nudge to the judges to consider his contribution to the ratings.

Elliott Yamin (750:1) Until last week's departure of Chicken Little, he's the least attractive contestant, with slight improvement after losing the leprechaun beard. The military-grade haircut and a train wreck of teeth won't overcome his decent lyrical ability, and he needs to overcome the hip-hop delivery his body conveys despite a different song theme.

Kellie Pickler (250:1) America's sweetheart survives even this long only on her ditsy demeanor and blonde locks, because her wooden delivery and basic country ability couldn't even win in Charlotte's "Gimme the Mike!" contest on WSOC-TV last year. Also, she's the target subject of www.votefortheworst.com, a website that mocks a contestant and encourages her vote. It didn't work long for Kevin Covais, but he wasn't hot like her, so she might crack the top five.

Taylor Hicks (30:1) The last five candidates are a tight race of talent, and will hopefully be the remaining five in weeks to come. Taylor is a professional recording artist, and perhaps his snowy hair already exhibits the signs of a man on the road. Two weeks of unimpressive performances has his star falling rapidly, and honestly, although you enjoy his stage antics, do you want a blues artist clutching the trophy?

Mandisa (20:1) The pool's second-best voice has almost rendered her weight, a subject of Simon's ridicule, as moot. But the hyprocisy of Hollywood, and the viewers of the show, probably won't elect this diva despite the uncanny victory of Ruben Studdard over Clay Aiken in season two.

Paris Bennett (10:1) This sparky little fireplug, a 17 year old from Georgia, consistently delivers a top-notch performance, and arguably occupies the spot formerly held by Taylor. Astonishing diversity in her performances, and perhaps the best stage presence of the bunch, might make her the dark horse. Contrary to Lisa Taylor, this teen exudes the confidence of a star.

Katharine McPhee/Chris Daughtry (5:1) Too close to call, Katharine's effortless performances (I mean, she did Christina Aguilera!) and Chris' rocker bad boy shtick leave their audiences shrieking. Katharine doesn't have quite the force of Chris' assembly of past weeks' blowouts, but I think she's quietly positioning herself to emulate Kelly Clarkson like Simon once mentioned. Selfishly, she's also the subject of my secret crush, but I am also a rocker by trade. I'll take either.

Do you agree? Post a reply, or email me at charlottenightlife@hotmail.com. Back to the beers next time.

It's Humane Nature

The collegiate atmosphere of Dixie’s Tavern will embrace its fraternal instincts for Wednesday’s philanthropic effort, the Humane Society of Charlotte’s “Cocktails for Critters.”

For a measly five bucks, the booze lovers and the boxer lovers will enjoy $2 Coors Lights, $3 Estrella wines, and a complimentary appetizer buffet.

Even my five year old critter, a lab mix, would pass on a cheap Coors Light (I trained him well), but the event is simply too beneficial for the homeless stray to pass up. Consider the organization’s commitment to spurning euthanasia, and how your donation goes a long way to an extra bowl of food or a low-cost vaccine to save a lil’ fella.

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Having spent a good part of the last two weeks in the Wilmington/Wrightsville Beach area for the day job, one can’t help but observe the magnification of the distinct coed ratio very much in favor of the single male.

Perhaps the salty air and a little more sun enhances a girl who is likely either a UNCW student or a budding actress on a crappy WB drama, but gentlemen, it is a gold mine. Only Charleston reigns supreme.

Ladies, spare me the endless drivel of how hard it is to meet a man in Charlotte. This banking town is your mecca.

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Saturday’s celebration of St. Patrick’s Day pits the Carolinas’ two largest cities in a selection of festivals worthy of the Urban Crawl's hard-hitting, pound-for-pound scrutiny of fun:

Event

Charlotte Goes Green Festival v. St. Pat's in Five Points (Columbia, SC)

History

Tenth year v. Twenty-fourth, respectively

Did You Know?

1st year parade consisted of one Irish band with a bagpiper v. Inaugural rainout

Estimated Attendance

30,000 v. 30,000

Cost

Free v. $10

Musical Lineup

Red Herring Irish Band, Rince Na H'Eireann, Irongrass v. Tracy Lawrence, Saliva, Seven Mary Three

Distance

Future light rail ride away v. Oh, about a hundred miles

FAQ's

What is the price equivalent of a beer that costs an arm, and a leg? v. What is this lousy mustard-based barbecue sauce?

Seen

A gluttony of boot-cut jeans and striped shirts (see picture above) v. Beer guts that don't discriminate by gender

Heard

"Our striped shirts are gonna score us some chicks!" v. "I'm still living with my parents."

Having attended both festivals over the last decade, although satisfying the palate for both cultures alike, the nod goes to Columbia. Its battle-tested tenure offers both an advantage for the contemporary music fan that's worth the nominal entry fee. Budget-conscious attendees will appreciate the small business owner doling out cans of beer for a couple of singles, while munching on a similarly-priced gyro.

The short trip, as well as reasonable hotel pricing, is worth the quick overnight getaway. While paling in comparison to Savannah's mammoth effort, our friends to the south offer an excellent alternative to our annual downtown option, probably just a few years away from matching the bet.

My choice this year? The room's already booked.

New Year's Reprieve

January 3, 2006’s “New Year’s Peeve” blog entry, a full feature devoted to the debacle at South End Brewery’s annual year-end celebration, generated the most email response in my three year stint with Charlotte.com. One hundred percent of the reader replies agreed with my position, echoing the opinion that year nine was a year to forget.

Certainly, not all revelers were miserable, but the lack of any dissenting vote was a good indicator that many investors in the evening were not paid a fair sum of party consideration in return.

General manager Steve Vocke, a five year veteran of the restaurant and microbrewery chain, recently agreed to a brief interview to set the record straight. No, we are not getting refunds, but his sincerity was genuine and year ten has a plan of action set to avoid any repeat of this performance.

Questions and answers have been edited for brevity and clarity.

What went wrong?

It was like a perfect storm of people. Probably forty percent of our clientele were N.C. State fans. Ninety percent of them purchased tickets in advance and the other ten percent just showed up at the door.

How did they know about this event? Did your Raleigh location promote it?

Not a single bit. Not at all. I have no idea how they [N.C. State fans] knew about it. The Raleigh restaurant wasn’t advertising ours at all.

How many tickets did you sell?

925. Previous years it’s been 750. We got to 750 on Thursday before New Year’s and I said ‘Alright, we gotta figure something out. We’ve got a tent, and nine hundred would be perfect.’ And that was our goal. We got to 925 when people showed up without tickets and said they were with five other friends who already had tickets. What killed us was the overflow of people coming in that said they had reservations and we didn’t have any record of them at all.

What is the capacity of South End Brewery?

900 without tables. We were within our fire marshal occupancy. Total at the end of the night was right under 1100 [tent occupancy included].

When you co-sponsor an event such as this one with promoter John Lineberger, who is in charge?

John and myself. I take full responsibility for the night. John doesn’t control the staff whatsoever. All he does is emails and promotion. He has a huge database and was in touch with the Charlotte Sports Connection. We had no idea this party was going to be this big.

Was anything different in this year’s organization of the event that was different from years before?

Absolutely not. John and I have worked together for five years. I’ve only had one complaint in five years; one woman said we didn’t have closed captioning on the TV and she was deaf.

Were there any complaints that evening this year?

Yes. We dealt with one person on her way out and I gave her my card and we got everything straightened out. She was very appreciative of the call.

Were there any reported problems with staffing?

We had a hard time getting the bar stocked up. If I knew this was going to be a thousand person party, I would have added another bar, but honestly, I don’t know where I would have put it at that point. We’ve never had to deal with a crowd that size before.

Did you finally turn people away at the door?

Yes. There was one point early in the night, around 10:30, and I’m looking in to the restaurant, thinking, ‘we’re crowded, look out, and there’s still a line a football field long in the parking lot, and I’m thinking this is scary.’

Do you think the drink lines were too long?

Honestly though, you only want to serve so many drinks. I don’t mean that financially, but from a safety standpoint. Anytime you have an open bar situation, and people are going to drink as much as they want to, people get sick too early. To a point, you have to have lines. You’ve got to be responsible. You give people carte blanche ability to drink, and it’s dangerous.

Let’s talk about how you plan to prepare for next year. Are there any changes planned for admission?

We’ve already established an opportunity for people to purchase their tickets online. The phone calls, the calling to order your tickets, people saying they bought tickets and they didn’t buy tickets, that’s eliminated. People will print their confirmation and show it to us.

Restroom facilities?

We will add port-o-potties but I don’t know the exact location where it’s going to be. I want to make sure it’s convenient enough for everybody to get to but it doesn’t become a stinkin’ mess. We’re going to put up a heated double tent for the CIAA’s and experiment there.

Do you plan to sell a similar number of tickets?

Not at all. If we do a double tent we’ll consider 900. We might have seven bars and 18 bartenders. We’ll convert the entire pizza bar to serve drinks. Additionally, we might hand out some beers to people that might have to wait in line. We’re not going to do wristbands since we’re checking ID’s at the door.

"Cans"-Do Attitude

I've finally obtained the press release for the long-awaited opening of Cans Bar and Canteen in the refurbished Cotton Mills building in the Fourth Ward. Construction delays disabled their previous attempt at serving the public by January.

Although subject to change, keep an eye on this very column for any updates to a soft start on Wednesday, March 15th, and a formal dog and pony show on Thursday, April 6th.

Promising "old-school, laid back fun," expect an array of eighties and nineties music nostalgia (please spare us anything already accomplished at Breakfast Club), tabletop video games (you bring Galaga, you have me at hello), and college grub like mac-n-cheese and Spaghetti-O's.

Since their name emits no irony, the signature item is predictably their variety of canned beers, and this location will also be the first of its kind to brew its own. Compared to glass, canned beer usually has all the appeal of drinking out of a clay pot, but I'm intrigued to sample a fresh brew of their Light, Dark, Amber, or Belgian White.

A formal review will be forthcoming.

High scores:

Square footage: 12,000 (two heated floors and a rooftop deck)
Canned beers: Over 50
Ceilings: 17 feet (loft-style)
Location: #3 (Chicago, Milwaukee)

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Six years later and some six hundred strong, the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation's "Guys and Dolls Bachelor/Bachelorette Auction" was a smashing success, having raised at least six figures at press time.

Saturday night's event, hosted by the downtown Hilton, was dripping in Charlotte's finest talent, who paid as much as $85 each for unlimited booze and buffet. Fueled by the engaging Matt Harris and Ramona Holloway, WLNK's afternoon drive-time duo, the marathon event probably went about an hour past its prime.

Forty-six year old Charlotte firefighter Jim Dedmon played to about half a late crowd, but still amassed an impressive $1200 offer while wearing his complete gear.

Top bids were acquired by Fox Charlotte's Kelli Bartik ($3100) and Dean Pawlowski ($4000), a Metlife Auto & Home Project Specialist, who didn't hurt his cause by shedding a few layers of his tux at Ramona's gentle prodding. Or, perhaps it was the round trip to LAX to sit on the set of Grey's Anatomy (lead actress Ellen Pompeo is his sister).

Kelli went toe-to-toe by offering a guest spot on her Fox Got Game sports show, but it might have also been Matt's obsession with her derriere.

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Speaking of charity, the Fifth Annual "Beads for Needs" Mardi Gras celebration will be held at B of A's Founders Hall this Thursday, February 23rd at 6 p.m. Proceeds will benefit First Tee of Charlotte and the New Orleans Tourism Rebirth Fund.

Their website offers no explanation just what the $25 ticket ($30 at the door) guarantees the buyer other than admission, but I have some ideas just what they might not be telling you....

• 2006 Bobcats' playoff tickets (please tell me you get the joke)
• All-you-can-eat corn dogs!
• Busch Light Ultra out the wazoo
  
• A fractional timeshare in Gastonia
• Light rail tokens, but in Baltimore

Email Bryan at charlottenightlife@hotmail.com. All emails will be answered. Join his friends list at www.myspace.com/brneil.

Guys, Dolls, 'n Balls

With the weekend's festivities bookended by the Sports Connection's Guys & Dolls bachelor/bachelorette auction and the 5th Annual Bartender's Ball, my inability to score media passes so far has me considering minting my own cash.

Respectively, admission fees of $75 and $60 (in advance; any delinquency at the door will require an additional sacrifice of your pinky finger) are all-inclusive. But last time I pursued the flat-fee arrangement, an embattled South End Brewery was disgraced with a New Year's fallout that will be the subject of a future rebuttal piece.

The events are semi-formal. Gratefully, fellow Charlotte socialites generally adhere to the attire requirement, as opposed to some women in the workplace who now consider sweatpants and no make-up as business casual. If you elect to attempt a creative black tie, please do us a favor and seek anything other than a tuxedo t-shirt, anything Hawaiian, or anything previously worn by a rap artist. We get it, funny guy.

Enjoy the 35,000 square feet of party space before the Merchandise Mart completes its sale to the University Park Baptist Church in 2008. Their members will probably frown on this stuff, you know.

For additional information, contact:

• Sabrina Watt with the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation at swatt@cff.org (B&B Auction tix), or
  
• Steve Caldwell at steve@elevatecharlotte.com (Ball). Tickets available at http://www.bandtastic.com
  

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Thursday, February 16th, marks the grand opening of The Attic, the latest venture from the boys of Connolly's, Madison's, Tyber Creek--you get the idea.

Perched above Brick and Barrel at Tryon & 5th, its intimate setting is basked in Old World decor, five HD televisions, with subtle lighting to accentuate yet another investment in an ol' fashioned drinking establishment.

While wine and liquor selections are expected, owner Kevin Devin wants me to emphasize it's "all about the beer and shots." A full review will be forthcoming.

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Is anyone aware that the 2006 Guinness Toast is this Friday, February 17th? I've seen exactly zero press, and a visit to Guinness' website says nary a thing, laddy.

The marketing move is simply brilliant. It's the drinking equivalent of a Hallmark holiday invention (uh, Valentine's Day?) hawking the beverage more than anyone else, for that one day a year. Why not triple, or quadruple it up during the fiscal year?

Because no one cares about it anymore. Remember when you raised a glass and filled out that slip of paper with a fake name to help authenticate the World Record? Who counted all those things, anyway?

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Buried in my notebook are eight unused passes good for free weekend admission at Coyote Ugly Saloon. I'll pair them up into four groups; the first four to email me their mailing address with "Coyote Ugly passes" in the subject line can have a set.

Please, no repeat offenders and this writer makes no promise they're still legal tender. But hey, they don't cost you nuthin'.

Is the Guinness pour an overrated tradition? Bryan thinks so. Tired of waiting for ten minutes to get your stout? Post your replies. Email him at charlottenightlife@hotmail.com and join his new friends list at www.myspace.com/brneil.

Urban Brawl

What’s with all the late-night violence anyway? A tragic shooting at Liquid Lounge, reported incidents at the Disco Rodeo on Albemarle, Malibu Club on North Tryon, and Rick’s Cabaret on Old Pineville are seriously jeopardizing the right to enjoy one’s evening.

Before you check your maturity at the door and elect to settle your differences in a bar, take a chill pill, watch Dr. Phil, and go say something nice about your enemy. Leave us out of it.

My bio references my crime-fighting after dark, but I am not omnipresent. Even Spiderman has to sleep every once in a while, you know.

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While we usually embrace tax season with all the affection of an annual prostate exam, it is awfully kind to this nightlife columnist. As an independent contractor of Charlotte.com, I have no expense account. Accordingly, my business expenses are tax-deductible.

A shoebox full of receipts indicates another busy year on the Crawl, with bar tabs accounting for—you guessed it—research. For the record, 2005’s total checks in at $2,909, and that’s just what I can document.

Doing the math:

$55.94. Average spent per week, which seems low.

727. Rough estimate of total drinks purchased, at average $4 each. (I’m a cheap date.)

$1,000.00? Undocumented behavior, like cash tabs, Panther games, out of town trips, etc.

$0. Amount I will deduct for parking, due to crappy record keeping, with many thanks to those Bobcat games eating in to our prior garage freedom.

3. Other deductible expenses associated with this gig (internet service provider, mileage, Observer subscription).

I’ll let my accountant take it from here…

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Capitalizing on brisk business thanks to word-of-mouth (and, perhaps, a prior plug on this page) Loft 1523’s Adam Whalen is experimenting with a weekend DJ to freshen up the audio.

Adam’s a savvy young Wake Forest grad, but Loft’s cramped confines almost make it seem unnecessary. Then again, it works for Tutto Mondo…

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Hoops & Dreams is putting up drywall, and appears to be heading in the right direction with an interest in moving the projection screen to the back room.

Admittedly, I’ve been a bit vocal over the current display, which is blasted right on the drywall and obscured by every patron that walks in front of it. During the daylight hours, it’s nearly invisible.

It’s a terrible setup, and a waste of an expensive piece of video equipment. A sports bar should know better, but then again, “H&D” is probably better suited for pre-flight drinks at Douglas International Airport.

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On a lighter note, does anyone else notice that their Lazyday.com weekly emailer has a lot of exclamation points!! !!! !! !

It's a journalistic sin surpassed only by TYPING IN ALL CAPITALS. It's the equivalent of yelling, and it's worthy of breaking the copywriter's fingers. I don't need you to exclaim that Tyber Creek has $2 Guinness pints on Tuesdays!! !! (But the management probably loves the enthusiasm.)

Email Bryan at charlottenightlife@hotmail.com!! All emails will be answered!! Join my friends list at www.myspace.com/brneil!!!

Columnist 4 sale?

Madison's hosted the sixth annual "Guys and Dolls" bachelor/bachelorette auction kickoff party benefitting the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation last Thursday. A $5 cover scored two dollar Miller Lites, creating a win-win for the charity's philanthropy and fellow beer consumers alike.

The February 18th event is a spectacle of some of Charlotte's finest available talent subjecting themselves to the flattery, er, or mockery, of public bidding. I've never been, but patrons assured me the $75 advance ticket is well worth the investment for an evening of interactive reality, dinner, and unlimited booze.

(Writer's personal note: Guys, charity events usually bring out some of the city's finer Dolls, which seems to level the testosterone-laden playing field. It's a good idea to plunk down the cash and enjoy the temporary fifty-fifty ratios.)

Candidates' profiles and advance ticket/sponsorship information are available at the Guys and Dolls website.

Stay tuned; I may have been coerced into submitting myself for consideration.

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Crush reports that 2006 is all about a new "upscale urban professional audience" for its weekend crowd. Acknowledging its college bar influence, the email press release indicates that DJ Rham is on board, formerly of CJ's at the Adam's Mark downtown. The music theme will be a mix of current hip-hop, R&B, and old school.

College night is unscathed on Wednesdays, and a free pass is available at www.crushcharlotte.com/wednesday.htm.

Their pesky dress code is still in effect, having dedicated a section to it on their website, but I've generally observed that Charlotte's club patrons exceed it anyway. Neverthless, it takes just one redneck to spoil it for everybody.

The club's makeover, seemingly aimed at attracting back the professional crowd, has obvious incentive. We earn more, and therefore spend more. But I sense that until they reconsider their location adjacent the Westin, they are handicapped by their distance from Center City.

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While the floor is collapsing at Zink American Kitchen, the restaurant is taking a time-out to allow construction to repair the unusual circumstances. The predicted timetable to reopen the doors is February 10th.

Possible reasons for the problem, courtesy of your friendly neighborhood nightlife columnist:

• IJL developers ignored the haunting signals as they erected the building over an old Indian burial ground;
• Two words: Quicksand footers!
• Tectonic plate shift is alive and well in Charlotte, as we drift further and further away from Europe; and
• Blame it on Bush's cronyism; it's the target of everything else lately.

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As we rev up toward NASCAR's exhaustive season, Dilworth Neighborhood Bar & Grill will be hosting Project: HALO's Daytona 500 party starting at 1:00 pm on Sunday, February 19th.

As a dog lover myself, I'm in complete support of a no-kill animal shelter (it's how I found mine, my affectionate canine editor named Eddie). The event's tax-deductible $20 cover includes heavy appetizers, a silent auction, raffle giveaways, $1.75 Miller Lites, and $2.00 Buds.

The old Graduate's guts were ripped out and overhauled over a year ago, leaving them still on their feet with an upstate New York-influenced menu and spacious basement perfect for watching the race.

But as I reported in August, the building's future is no longer an issue of "if," but "when." Sources confirm that the new development group plans to raze the facility, including the fish market and other adjoining property, for a mixed-use development to occupy the entire corner of McDowell and Morehead.

Try their wings while you can.

Email Bryan. Join my friends list at www.myspace.com/brneil.

New Year's Peeve

What frankly is a tradition better spent embracing the company of your pals and loved ones at home, while ironically swiping my plastic for $59.07 for the 9th annual New Year’s Eve Party at Southend Brewery & Smokehouse (2100 South Blvd., 704-358-4677, www.southendbrewery.com), carved right at the heart of my very own credibility after historically shunning this option.

But friendships prevailed when we relieved the house party in favor of one of promoter John Lineberger’s “card” parties commonly sprinkled around town throughout the year. Individually named sponsors promised to publicize it through a word-of-mouth distribution, which wasn’t really necessary considering the event’s eight year history.

Billed as “Charlotte’s Best New Year’s Value,” the flat-rate purchase offered a predictable product of open bar (calls & top shelf liquor excluded), buffet-style food, DJ T-Nice, midnight champagne, and party favors.

What they failed to convey was that it would be... a... disaster. We were overcharged, they were overbooked, and the 9th annual Southend New Year’s Eve Party, my friends, was overrated.

Revelers were greeted with a thirty to forty-five minute wait in the chilly air while behavior was reduced to juvenile antics such as line cutting, a despicable and frustrating observation that was completely avoidable.

Reportedly, as many as one thousand tickets were sold (as conveyed by the intent of management at the time of my purchase; mine was #562 on Thursday, two days beforehand). It felt every bit of it. The restaurant’s horseshoe interior, reduced to a thin line of traffic at the front to navigate around the center brewhouse, bottlenecked both sides into a claustrophobic nightmare flanked by only two men’s and two women’s restrooms. The sidecar tent adjacent to the main bar was ineffective at alleviating the crowds that probably flirted with a fire marshal citation.

Watching the vultures (including yours truly) devour a small tub of boring domestic beers before a barback could even finish stocking it left the score at 12:30 a.m. in favor of Southend, who legally extracted my sixty dollars in exchange for a disappointing misrepresentation of the Best New Year's Value. Southend's popular homemade brews were not even reasonably attainable.

The food buffet, an array of meatballs, chicken wings, and fried chicken tenders, was hardly “lavish,” affirming that the party was pretty much worth the paper the promotional card was printed on.

A pro-rata refund of our money, although presumably mythical, is in order.

I wonder if ol’ Dick Clark, whose refreshing return to television was my evening highlight, would have even said a few things about celebrating his annual showcase under this duress.

But to Lineberger’s credit, he has been nothing short of a professional in prior engagements, and past parties have been worth the investment. To coin a favorite acronym, however, is appropriate: Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.

Some suggestions to keep the tenth anniversary free of critical review:

Will-call, no-go. Demand appears to have reached a level that organizers have the upper hand to insist on purchasing tickets, in person, in advance. Ticketed customers, like yours truly, waited the same time as A-L and M-Z. Ask the thousands of N.C. State fans who suffered a similar fate outside the Meineke Car Care Bowl this weekend.

Guns n’ butter economics. The party claimed eight straight years of a sellout. Lower the headcount, and raise the sticker price. The admission fee is not price-sensitive; consider that other events charge more.

No babies on board. Heavily staff the ID checks at the door and restrict access to 21+ only. Please do away with the clumsy, time-consuming need to strap a sticky paper band on my wrist that rips out my arm hair.

Free the beer. The bartenders are too busy to serve your “free” beer when enjoying the top-shelf tips; separate the suds to their own tub stations.

Johnny on the Spot. A handful of exterior portable toilets would have been appropriate, considering the long lines. Observed bathroom behavior, including visits from the opposite sex, cannot be reprinted here.

Stay home. Perhaps the party’s at my house next year?

Have a crummy New Year also? Post a reply or reach Bryan at charlottenightlife@hotmail.com. All emails will be answered.

Boom! ABC MNF is over

ABC's 12/26/05 final edition of Monday Night Football, a meaningless game between the Patriots and the Jets, nevertheless provided a fitting backdrop for Wild Wing Cafe's (2132 Ayrsley Town Blvd., 980-297-7000, www.wildwingcafe.com) last weekly "MNF" gathering of the season.

Hosted by WRFX's Mr. Bill, southwest Charlotte's best wing bar doled out its usual assortment of "useless crap" punctuated by a halftime drawing for a weekend tryst for two at Snowshoe Ski Resort. The worst item? A "big ol' hairy" t-shirt screen print of a shirtless Panthers fan with The Fox's call sign carved in its back hair.

Useless? Mr. Bill was wrong. My dog found his new cotton chew toy quite useful.

With liquor license issues resolved by time (the tragic affiliation with a July 2004 DUI auto accident and underage serving), the $1.50 Coor's Light and $2.50 Trumer Pils specials were marred only by the $3.99 Garlic Cheese Toast ripoff they called an appetizer. One small half of a loaf, quartered, then dwarfed by the large basket, still survived the bill despite my complaint to management.

One dollar per bite. The cost equivalent of shrimp cocktail.

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Barring a Sunday collapse against Atlanta, possible home playoff games has The Sunset Club's (1820 South Blvd., 704-373-9900, www.sunsetclubcharlotte.com) Jeff Tomascak brimming with enthusiasm about his post-game destination option.

I've failed to schlep past a hundred yard radius of my tailgate to Angry Ale's but there is no comparison. Although not formally reviewed or visited, Sunset Club's private atmosphere, and Jeff's boastful email of "about 15 players, lots of cheerleaders, some Falcons, and lots of fun" after our Dec. 4 Atlanta home stand sounds like a superior option.

No word if ex-TopCat cheerleaders Renee Thomas and Angela Keathley made out in their bathroom.

Annual memberships from $350 to $2000 would explain the clientele, but members may entertain guests; get to know a few millionaires.

The Sunset Club is located below Tutto Mondo and the Pewter Rose in the South End.

Crawl Tales

May I offer a preemptive apology for exclusively driving the blog the last few months, explained in the most recent review of The Forum at Sixth and College. As it turns out, one of my friends complained he couldn't read it because his employer's filter prevents access to bulletin boards and the like.

That does it. Back to the streets for new stuff...

Some observations while tipping one back here and there:

• Speaking of The Forum (see full review on the website), has anyone gone to Bar or Have a Nice Day lately? Just curious, considering their tourist appeal. I bet I get zero responses to this blog for this answer. Last time I was in Bar, there was an electric bull. 'Nuff said.
• Fox & Hound on a Tuesday? Yes. $2.50 pints. A relative steal in the high rises.
  
• I may be in awe of the composite bar, but Zink American had me at hello with its happy hour crowd, and I just want to make sure the masses aren't dwindling after a couple of fly-bys lately. Remember: They are a Harper's affair, so do not miss a chance to eat from the spiral tower of seasoned, skinny french fries.
• I caught John Dungan and Mike Crowley at Connollys on 5th after nearly avoiding an unnecessary Irish scuffle, enjoying their acoustic cover and an interactive crowd. It goes to show that one girl patron, in a good pair of jeans, can work an entire floor. Check John out at www.johndungan.com. How can you resist a chrome-dome head clad in a Family Dollar t-shirt?
• Caught a Panthers game at Picasso's yet? I didn't update the sports bar listings this fall, but my first-ever game there solidifies its usual position atop the standings as the best sports bar in the city.
  
• Where's the best New Year's party? Rumor has it that it's moved to the Westin, for KISS 95.1's "Kiss in the New Year," now $89 per person in advance. For that amount, I can buy everyone at the house party I will attend one drink, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Tutto Go-Go

It has not been often that I've held tribal council at the end of the week at Tutto Mondo (1820 South Blvd., 704-332-5142, www.tuttomondo.net) but a refreshing visit amongst friends reminded me of why it was overdue.

Safely hidden upstairs next to the Pewter Rose in the South End, I featured it way back on March 17, 2004 paying homage to its interior design, low-key attitude, and word of mouth advertising. Shoot, they even pay tribute to my column with a link on their website.

A year and a half has expanded on its theme not only with a full week of entertainment, but its clientele. 9:30 DJ scheduling, with a very complicated array of assignments depending on the numbered week each month, still rounds up the urban professionals and has added a significant homosexual base, as well.

I have mixed feelings about the attention bestowed on me in this setting; I'm unquestionably straight as an arrow but appreciate the compliments, I guess. It must be my athletic, lean physique and crunchy short hair that garnered the occasional double-take. Much appreciated.

On this "True Blue" Friday, it was that guy smitty at the turntables, who specialized in classic house spins while 1/2 price appetizers and 1/2 price Cruvinet wines were served from 6-9. Weekenders will appreciate the $5 vodkas and Red Bulls and $5.50 Cosmos on Sweet Saturdays, and a nightly admission completely devoid of a cover charge.

But almost forgotten was its dark, moody setting stocked with deep loft-style furniture, underneath the twinkle of the holiday lighting. Other than a new phone number, they've kept a good thing going.

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Has anyone else been "Observing"... have things tapered off at Town (710 West Trade, 704-379-3555, www.dineattown.com)? It might be an overstatement, but I've caught a late week stop there a few times lately to a lot more empty seats than usual.

If I'm right, then it proves my point that the nearby Johnson & Wales culinary school, although stacked with cooking talent, is still just a bunch of broke students. College kids = cheap booze, and adjacent nightlife better still suck in the dollars from somewhere else.

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Cans Bar and Canteen (Graham & 5th, www.cansbar.com), originally slated for a January opening, looks busy inside while renovating this two-story development in the Cotton Mills.

It specializes in canned beer offerings, along with premium bottled selections and liquor, while incorporating a retroactive 80's theme replete with old video games and a jukebox.

Funny that it specializes in throwback while its logo and and exterior signage would indicate a futuristic appeal. If mullets are welcome, than I don't want to be.

But come to think of it, I believe there are some area bars that specialize in cans of beer...in Rock Hill.

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I was an unintended recipient of one of the emails circulated over the past two weeks accusing Menage owner Stefan Latorre of racial discrimination, an investigation I don't care to pursue.

However, I am curious if anyone has experienced this elsewhere around town, and please don't name names, just examples. Our blossoming cultural diversity probably makes this inevitable, as we learn to expand our tolerances. Feel free to email me at charlottenightlife@hotmail.com.

Season's Best

Clutching a red rubber wristband and my new clickety ballpoint pen, these tokens are all that’s left of my $30 investment for one of the year’s first annual downtown galas, the Red Hot Turkey Trot benefiting the American Red Cross this past Tuesday, November 22^nd.

Whew. I sneak in my hurricane philanthropy after all.

On a brisk evening where I even score a free parking spot, walking to the Wachovia Atrium is becoming a tradition, considering a plethora of summer events and copycat parties following the same recipe of 1) mix in a few dozen dollars of your own cash, 2) drink unlimited sponsor beer & wine, and 3) enjoy adult contemporary band. 4) Repeat.

It works. On this evening, where Toys for Tots and 2^nd String Santa still beckon me to whip out my annual Christmas tie over the next couple of weeks, an estimated thousand patrons or so deck the halls for the good cause.

Frankly, if I would show up on time I would get my money’s worth, before the hordes deplete the available buffet and it would also give me time to slug back a few more complimentary Buds.

The Atrium events, or any downtown “festival” for that matter, are a textbook case of the dating scene, admittedly attracting the hottest clientele crowd in Charlotte on a regular basis.

“But all the good guys are married or gay,” observes a fellow friend Jen, who apparently was oblivious to the male gene pool available. I mean, is she aware of our adverse ratio?

The chilly air, the 40 foot lit tree, and ceiling ornaments kick off the holiday season in grand fashion, while I watch the band Liquid Pleasure’s dance floor flip from “Gold Digger” to “Rock Around the Clock” to the humiliating “Electric Slide.” Admittedly, I can do the latter, but only under intense interrogation.

The flyer says lights out at 11:00, but they roll up the carpets before then. No matter, as our holiday season is officially underway. Better start getting all those $20’s stacked up for admission.

Calendar dates: 12/2 Toys for Tots (South End Brewery), 12/3 Santa Bar Crawl (Dixie’s Tavern), 12/6 Second String Santa (Founders Hall), 12/8 Blitzen’s Holiday Bash (Morehead St. Tavern). More info: www.elevatecharlotte.com, www.lazyday.com, www.charlottesportsconnection.com.

Anyone have a good story from the party? String me.

Tailgate Tales

Rounding up some casual observations book-ended by two recent Panther Sundays on the beverage circuit:

• Getting the worst of it out of the way early, a sullen writer seeking solace from the afternoon’s embarrassment at Soldier Field was satisfied with an overdue trip to Fox & Hound downtown for billiards and booze. $2.75 Coors Lights, although not my preference, sure helped rinse clean the filth in my mouth that accumulated from four quarters of no offense.

A pesto pizza and the aforementioned coldies did not help the pool game, but my playing partners were worse.

• One week ago, the year’s lone 4:00 kickoff “burdened” our tailgate with six extra hours of revelry, but I’m hard pressed to find a better post game than Angry Ale’s, which presented not only a fantastic late-night assembly of fans but a jukebox of fun to make your own dance floor, wherever.

It is important to note that they produce the best plate of nachos in the country. Chips, individually dressed with your requested ingredients, simply annihilate any competition in this field.

• Renovations are complete at Uptown Cabaret; it’s good to know that your hard-earned dollars once spent there moved the back bar to the front. Extra seating would appear to be the benefit, and in the interests of retaining the column’s PG-13 rating, dare we say, the scenery is still the same.

Downtown’s lone gentleman’s establishment offers free cover with ticket stub, so keep yours or rummage the top layers of area garbage cans for discards.

• I passed on Efren Ramirez’s visit to Crush last Wednesday night. Napoleon Dynamite’s “Pedro,” the affable Latino vying for class president, guest-DJ’d the evening to a reported low turnout.

One, the club circuit is well represented by the Observer’s Tonya Jameson, freeing up this former class treasurer for efforts better spent elsewhere.

Two, what did you think you would see? A low-rent actor out of costume, selling out to a college night crowd in Charlotte for the obvious payday.

Hopefully he did some really sweet spins.

Sticking around for the Turkey Day weekend? Post your recommendations in a thread, or tell me you found better nachos somewhere.

Overtime & Overspent

The Bobcats' home sophomoric effort, albeit a Monday diversion from the NFL's AFC premier matchup of the Pats-Colts, yielded yet another disappointing loss in overtime, sagging our home court disadvantage back to 1-1 in the coliseum's inaugural season.

In classic fashion, it was a typical NBA snoozefest for three periods, eclipsed by a fourth quarter comeback worthy of the team's young talent.

But an announced attendance of 14,872 that looked a lot closer to 60-70% of that figure demonstrated an early week's difficulty in attracting any semblance of a nightlife buzz; blame a Panthers hangover if you want.

The average fan, and casual Crawl reader, simply finds the Bobcat option as an unattractive cauldron of our disposable income. My immediate observations, which are destined to boil away in a similar fate:

• My gratuitous upper level seat, aligned with the courtside baseline, is forty bucks a game. Adopt my old Hornets' philosophy: If it's free, you can count on me! Make friends with rich people, or bank employees.
  
• Give the smokers a break. Their halftime addiction, while shoehorned on the terrace patio, deserves at least an outside beer tub, some heat, and a television.
  
• The Rockin' Roof Top bar area, emulating the pro outdoor parks with an open-aired lounge area for pedestrian traffic, offers a ridiculous hightop counter and backsplash that completely obstructs the court unless you lean forward in your barstool...the entire game.
• $5.75 and $6.75 beer prices discourage tipping, a respectful practice amongst drinking professionals. Value for the price, an obvious hurdle, is not even worth the printed argument.
• Beer-adverse? Ask Santa for a flask.
• $10 parking, the area's current going rate, now infects the rest of downtown for those not even attending a game. Thanks to the coliseum, which the majority of Charlotte voted against, thirty-nine more hoops dates will have suburban partiers thinking twice about the commute.

Bobcats' owner Bob Johnson may "love [him] some Charlotte," but will we love him back? Only overtime will tell.

Urban Whatever

Creative Loafing's November 2, 2005 issue introduced a new feature by Jared Neumark, a homeless Chicago carpetbagger set to prowl the Center City under a column ironically titled the Urban Explorer.

Sound familiar? I take no creative credit, having retitled this Nightlife column the Urban Crawl in early October (the 10th, to be exact) and converting to a blog, but I'll be happy to waive any intellectual property rights associated with CL's debut. I was a fan of Timothy C. Davis' "Scene & Herd" although I never met the fella.

So Crawl vs. Explorer? Which carries the superior weight? One definition of an explorer, after all, is a "person aged 14-20 who is a participant in the exploring program of the Boy Scouts of America (The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition)." Now, seems to me that while the kid's got his housing struggles, the boy can't be taking his first photo sporting a smirk and a brew in front of Dixie's as a late teen.

I say that he fancies himself as an investigator, and as a Charlotte rook, will undoubtedly consider everything as fresh as that baby's bottom he once had diapered. Coming from Chicago, it may not be a fair fight, although we do have two Morton's now.

A crawl, by definition, is to creep, of which I only play one on TV. Envisioning the weekly prowl in some version of a combat technique seems much more appropriate, considering the space of our suburban sprawl. Besides, I thankfully passed on the Explorer title as an option. Too vanilla, I say, and reminiscent of that overbought SUV.

On the contrary, the Crawl could also play to my juvenile behavior, which is entirely accurate. I'm only thirty-something years from infancy, having adopted my college nickname "Junior," and still despising anything with eggs in it.

So do we have an issue with the new guy on the block? Absolutely not. In fact, I embrace the return of the local mag's drinking hunt in continued tribute to a prior comment of mine that our nightlife is actually newsworthy.

So welcome aboard, Jared. We're tired of your Subway commercials and hopefully the low carb beers you slug will keep the pounds off. Good luck, bro.

Stone-cold rollin'

A twenty-four hour lead time on the grand opening of the Charlotte Coliseum would be sufficient for the arrival of some family-- the younger brother a day ahead of the old man’s arrival and our birthday gift to him courtesy of Mick Jagger & Co.

Although book ended by hump day clichés and a predictable weekend, Thursday night may suffer in the weekly rankings, but burying it in a poll resembling the NCAA’s BCS formula would host this writer and his sibling just fine one day out from the opening ceremonies.

Some random thoughts from the weekend:

• Central Ave.’s Penguin/Thomas St. Tavern duet is still an enviable dinner and drinks option; where else will a $1.75 chili dog and an even cheaper pint of Yuengling stretch the almighty dollar? Our waitress’ offer to sample a Cap’n and unsweet tea, thinking this would resemble a true Southern sugar-fied brew, however, was overrated.

• We were probably an hour too early on this true urban crawl to appreciate Coyote Ugly’s roadhouse appeal, since my prior visit had been some time since a featured review just over a year ago. But an appreciation for the bar staff’s choreography of Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me,” in an appealing ensemble of low-rise jeans and cowboy boots (required attire) atop the bar introduces an option that well, they can pour on me whatever they want.

• The affectionately-titled Dear Carolina (www.dearcarolina.com), a frat quartet hosted by Phil’s Deli, affirmed a sense that the restaurant bar is carving a downtown niche for its collegiate appeal. Live acts are a rarity inside 277; it’s nice to know that a cover charge actually gets you something in return.

• Grand Central? Seemed like the Hut, in all of its 80’s glam.

• Friday’s Rolling Stones’ coliseum debut, with my dad in tow, left little to dispute the entertainment value of even a $60 ticket, especially with a fantastic cover of Ray Charles’ “Night Time is the Right Time” (remember the Cosby Show kids’ rendition?). As expected, the rolling stage later shot across the floor to offer the nosebleeds an intimate set that reminded me the Stones seem timeless, but man, they are old.

The coliseum? A mixed bag. Its mess of a brick and metallic exterior seemed neither throwback nor forward-looking, and multilevel club and luxury boxes intends to leave you in the cheap seats.

Relatively speaking, beers were still cheaper than the eye-popping price gouging at Verizon Wireless Amphitheater.

But the mass exodus after the concert, with the multitudes pouring up Fifth as if the sea had been parted, was a good indication of what forty-one home ballgames might offer this winter.

That cold weather be darned.

Gratuity Accepted

The last time I traversed the penthouse floor of the Charlotte Plaza building, it was called the Tower Club and as usual, drinks, steaks, and cigars were someone else's responsibility.

Last Thursday night's social would be no different, courtesy of some attorneys on retainer and a fantastic renovation to become the freshly-minted Bentley's on 27 (201 S. College St., 704-343-9201, www.bentleyson27.com) subbing in just over one year young.

If you're my kind of reader, you certainly appreciate gratuitous alcohol, and appreciate it I did. The best beer in my hand was the one I didn't pay for, and while sipping many fine Amstel Lights I was reminded of the stellar view of the skyline amidst the setting sun, including an angle on the new Coliseum that would make birds envious.

It gave this guy an opportunity to explore a blog entry and simultaneously work, and play, at the same time.

Every once in a while, swipe up that credit card and consider this alternative to happy hour. Many a time we speak of wine at Blue or martinis at Capital Grille. But picture a panoramic view of downtown, plush leather accomodations, and a live piano (Friday and Saturday) as a necessary evil and prelude to your weekend.

The name? Proprietor Jim Emad, in tribute to his family, honors his wife's maiden name, and bought the business in a corporation named after his siblings (Lauren Taylor, Inc.). The service? General manager Ahmad Mohammad, eager to appease a curious writer, returns from servicing an exiting customer just as promised. Waitstaff swarms our tables with a surf and turf of filet and crabcakes.

A martini is encouraged, with the honorary namesake consisting of an infused vodka of fresh pineapple and mango. The apple martini, a fruity concoction, is also highly recommended.

The atmosphere is warm amidst a fireplace ambiance, and while cigars are welcome, they are not sold.

I look forward to my return; however, I have an idea: You pay for it.

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It is the fall, so expect many football-related references when we essentially are up to almost seven days of televised matchups..

Last Thursday's N.C. State-Clemson ESPN matchup, exhibiting pre-game signs of two ACC teams in tumultous disrepair, was a one-sided affair in the Tigers' favor, and very evident at Picasso's (1301 East Blvd., 704-331-0133).

It would not otherwise be worth mentioning except that I observed exactly every seat in the bar as occupied, while loaded in Clemson orange (obviously, they have not read my alumni bar article...their official home is Jocks & Jills), and Wolfpack fans howled in disbelief at the score disparity.

For the record, it is still pound-for-pound the best sports bar in the city, and ask for Tim to pour you one.
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To do: The Forum. Too early to start chanting "Menage-who?" Or, Charlotte Coliseum grand opening, Rolling Stones-style.

Welcome to the Charlotte.com Nightlife blog

Some of my friends are still oblivious to the term “blog,” leaving me to ponder their apparent ignorance of the manifestation of the “web log” internet counterculture.

But perhaps you’ve heard of it. Authors’ musings have manufactured celebrities, uncovered exclusive investigations, and if we’re not careful, they will inundate us to the point of a media backlash. I’m waiting for the first blog reality series.

I have no interest in sharing every excruciating minutia of my daily routine, but I do intend to let you know the next time I observe anything during the Urban Crawl (a new working title for the Nightlife Column; let me know what you think) that rivals the night I watched the patron in the pressed Lee jeans work the worst pickup line of 2005 (Cantina, May 5, “I had a dream about you”).

Now that’s entertainment.

• Email feedback from the Hoops & Dreams review would have me think I was out to throw the fellas under the bus after their recent grand opening of this sports bar at 5^th and Tryon.

Allow me to clarify. It was a pleasant environment; they just need some time to work their jump shot. I affirm some strong opinions in regards to the projection screen (right on the drywall), cheesy menu headings, and cramped quarters as accurate.

But cheap prices, excellent location, and game access will bring the fans. Maybe even the dozens and dozens of Bobcats fans this year might swing by for a coldie.

• Speaking of sports, it’s been a week, and my body clock is back on schedule after last Monday’s thrilling victory over Green Bay.

I’m as big of a football fan as they come, but frankly, Monday Night Football visiting this town simply stinks. Challenging rush hour traffic for a one to two hour pregame festivity on a school night is not the way to do the pigskin. If you disagree with me, you’ve been bamboozled by their production.

ABC even agrees. “MNF” moves to ESPN next year to lose a significant part of its audience without cable or satellite television.

Personally, the tailgate is arguably over half the fun. So I made up for lost time afterwards, watching traffic subside, enjoying one more Sam Adams, and finally hitting the pillow at 3 am.

Big deal that we get the pageantry and a blimp for a night. Believe me, nothing beats nighttime football, but that’s what Saturdays are for, punctuated by a Sunday morning on the couch.

• The addition of a patio to Connolly’s on 5^th only improved on one of my favorite bars downtown. Until we go smoke-free the sipping of a frosty Smithwick’s in the fresh air sandwiched amongst the high rises is tough to beat.

But the extortion of my $5 (when I have to pay it) weekend cover just for the privilege to enter the premises (with no live band) is like pouring a fresh pint right on the sidewalk.

It’s still the best Irish pub in town while watching Ri-Ra’s upstairs bar slip into club status.

• Before casting one of those flyers I found on my windshield like a playing card across the garage, Illusions 1000 (1000 Seaboard St., 704-332-0998) printed the wrong web address on the back (I suggest they get the printer’s money back). Please allow me to publish the correction as www.illusions1000.com, which is correct on the front.

Borrowing a chapter from the Rock Hill scene, this early Music Factory tenant of the upcoming 30 acre campus of nightlife in north downtown stays open ‘til 6 am, seven days a week. What you do after 2 am when the city cuts off the booze is your business.

Nightly themes include Monday Night Football, DJ skillz contests, goth nights, and a monthly foam party. Suds and skivvies!

• I have a handful of gay friends, and observing a couple flirt with our waiter in the breezeway of Therapy Café (401 N. Tryon) equaled the free acoustic entertainment of the evening. Before the fall chill sets in, get out there for Wednesday half-price martinis, and for those of us who are straight and male, I’d call it ladies’ night out.

Keep an eye out for new Crawl updates.