Belle-y Dancing at Menage?

Greetings from vacation, where the Crawl gets ready to camp at 12,000 feet in the Rocky Mountains...
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Stefan Latorre's latest experiment in late night cuisine makes its debut in part of the former Menage Ultra Lounge with Belle's BBQ, his first endeavor into Southern grub.

We already know of his work in Latorre's Latin Cuisine next door and Aquavina. But 'cue? It's an unusual option for this savvy lawyer better known for dabbling in South Beach fare.

The third floor of Menage remains intact, but perhaps this change was inevitable. Competing for nightclub traffic was becoming an issue as observed from the long lines at Forum up the street and reader email. Latorre has also had to shake allegations of discriminatory behavior that was addressed in this blog and by the Observer in recent history.

But late operating hours, live music, and a tempting late night munchie option deserves a chance. After all, he's entitled to run a profitable business.

Charlottenightlife.com reports that they seek a run at the hottest bar staff. Have they ever been to Phil's Deli?
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I redacted part of last week's blog about the Skeeball championships at Joe's Raw Bar after organizer Brian Farrell misinterpreted my usual sarcasm that litters this column.

Citations regarding his cheeky use of the word "skee" ("skee you later," "skee"-E-O, etc.) in his email correspondence and a discretionary reference to labeling him as a tool were taken out of context, and after an email apology, all is well.

So why mention it?

Please, stop taking me seriously. This is a column about drinking, and written within the PG-13 confines of a demographic viewing the city's most popular website. In other words, it's for entertainment purposes only.
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A fellow friend and reader named John advises me that South Charlotte's (waaaayyy South Charlotte) newest addition is O'Shea's, an authentic Irish pub perched at the new shopping center development at Ardrey Kell and Tom Short roads.

For a reportedly five bucks a pint, the Guinness is flowing and the business is co-founded with the 5th St. crew owning Madison's, Connolly's, and The Attic. This information has yet to be corroborated.

But more importantly, at this intersection, are we really in Charlotte anymore? Seems like Waxhaw to me. Go get your own nightlife column.

Reach Bryan. All emails will be answered.

What a Great Set of Cans

Cans announces the launch of its THP cannery--in dedication to the Three Headed Productions parent company--starting Thursday, July 20th, with a $2 tribute to its inaugural microbrewery in the Cotton Mills warehouse basement.

Playing it safe with a Light, Dark, Amber, and a Belgium White (although the latter is enhanced with fresh orange and coriander), the brewery process is reduced to a three man operation of brewmaster Charles Joly, a canner filling two at a time, and a third man that we'll simply call the "lidder" sealing off the finished product. Six packs are sold for $8.99.

Since this writer prefers the more complex compositions of a lager, stout, or an IPA, I'll take the Dark, sight unseen. A Light simply questions my masculinity, an Amber reminds me of a fat girl that had a crush on me in high school, and Belgium White probably resembles a Blue Moon, a forbidden attraction accentuated by an orange slice that I appreciate only in private, in the absence of fellow men.

With born-on dating already yesterday's news among the major breweries, the local fresh canning might have some traction.
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The Mint Museum's "Mint After 5," reserved for the third Friday of each summer month and hosted by their Young Affiliates of the Mint sibling, invites you to their North Tryon rooftop deck for its happy hour affair starting at 6:00.

We'll call it the perfect weekend prelude; nowhere else will you get all you can drink, eat, and music for twenty bucks, unless you're me, enjoying the rare media pass.
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The area's latest addition to the philanthropy pool is Guys with Ties, comprised of five native Charlotteans applying for 503(c)(3) status as a nonprofit organization seeking the usual greater good.

Saturday, July 22nd's "Concert for a Cause," expected to attract some two to three thousand patrons, will benefit the Misty Meadows Mitey Riders, a horseback therapy offered to area youths afflicted with Downs, CP, autism, and more.

Scheduled acts include national touring act Two Step, MTV college band finalist Rhymes with Orange, and local fave Dear Carolina.

Tickets are ten bucks in advance at Dixie's online and fifteen day of the show.

Reach Bryan. All emails will be answered.

Cruisin' for a Bruisin', and Pray 4 Ray!

So I return from vacation to learn that twenty-four people were arrested uptown last weekend. Char-Meck police are cracking down on cruising, they say. Without a city ordinance in place to forbid it, the violations center around loud music, open containers, and even illegal weapons possession.

We already know about the 2nd annual Riot After the Fireworks.

What's going on?

The same issues that have plagued any town with a successful nightlife district. In a few short years, Center City is now the place to see and be seen, and with that success breeds an attraction of all types.

Consider the difficulties facing Atlanta's Buckhead district, as well as Tampa's Ybor City. In what amounts to an inevitable vicious cycle, deserted areas under the right circumstances blossom into a bustling area soon overrun by trouble and a police presence, then return to normal.

But let's don't overreact. The arrests were largely preventive measures, and other than an unexcusable shot fired at the July 4th riot, we still love us some Uptown.

Or shall we call it Downtown again?
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Congratulations to our buddy Chuck Wilson, proprietor of www.carolinanightlife.com. Thanks to early success, he's made a formidable attempt at franchising, having sold three templates to Iowanightlife.com, Indianaevenings.com, and NightlifeVirginia.com.

Operating under the www.thenightlifenetwork.com mother ship, franchisors spend a measly $8,000 for a state license fee along with a $300 joining fee and $150 monthly dues.

He deserves it. For years, we've watched him prowl the bars, tirelessly hording the photo shots to take a grassroots website to buzzworthy recognition.

I had no idea Iowa was rockin' after dark! Is it even a state?
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While the Elizabeth area quietly creeps into a desirable Crawl stop, Visulite's recent press release indicates business as usual at perhaps the city's best live indoor venue (okay, Neighborhood Theatre deserves equal billing, and I have not seen Amos' renovations yet).

I don't follow our music scene, but the Wednesday, September 20th show for Cowboy Mouth is a bittersweet appreciation for this band I once applauded.

Lead singer/drummer Fred LeBlanc's tired "Are you glad to be alive?" chant, and his hairy gorilla arms are wearing me out, and after a lackluster attempt a year or two ago at Buckhead Saloon, this band's flame has flickered out.

"Jenny say-as! Turn off the ra-d-io." Enough. The radio already turned them off.
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Lazyday.com is promoting what appears to be the first fundraiser for Ray Ducharme's "Pray 4 Ray" website quickly embracing his tragic accident in Pamploma, Spain while preparing for the Running of the Bulls.

One hundred percent of the "Sharin' Sugar Pub Crawl's" proceeds will benefit Ray, with whom I already know I share two degrees of separation. My Myspace account already has at least one blast bulletin, so it appears the guy's got a lot of love around here.

My prayers for his difficult recovery.

Reach Bryan. All emails will be answered.

Who Wants to See a Billionaire

The Bobcats wasted no time getting back to business last week; their special invite we'll call a cocktail party introduced young and poor alike to the hidden hallways of the Arena for some season ticket prospecting.

Resembling the old Coliseum's Crown Club, this VIP lounge adjacent the courtside exit is normally limited to Inner Circle Club members parting ways with over $200 a game. But bottomless Heinekens and a meet and greet with owner Bob Johnson and Coach Bickerstaff lifted the veil on its affluence.

Never mind that Bob donated $33,000 on the spot to local charities or took fan Q&A about the elephant in the room--the conspicuously-absent Michael Jordan. The evening's rimshot at the conclusion of the short presentation was the invitation to observe the final auditions of the Bobcats Dance Team.

Still lacking a catchy nickname (remember my prior suggestions? Cat-tails, Felines), the creepy assembly of men sitting at the court's perimeter with drink in hand (myself included) could not console the crushed hopes of the last cuts. The final twenty or so should have no problem stretching the entertainment dollar, or those tight boyshorts.

Back to business. According to account executive Ryan Coman, early season ticket sales are brisk, up some twelve to fifteen hundred since season's end. The $199 season ticket is popular, accounting for some five hundred of those to date. The average thirty-three percent reduction in prices doesn't hurt, and neither does MJ's sudden involvement.

Wednesday's draft party (June 28) starts at 6:30 pm and is open to the public. For season ticket info call Ryan at 704-688-8814 or 704-BOBCATS.

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Believe it or not, but I'm investigating a lead that Joe's Raw Bar (Central & The Plaza) is hosting a skeeball league. A full review is forthcoming, but "skee-son two" starts in late August.

My oh my, is Whack-A-Mole next?

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Defending my position that the best spot to catch the July 4th fireworks show will be the balcony of Loft 1523, owner Adam Whalen is capitalizing on the event with a specially-ticketed six-kegger, catered food, and patriotic drink specials.

The price? A lofty fifty bucks, but the fireworks will be shot off the rooftops of CPCC, some three blocks away. A 4:00 opening leaves, um, some five hours before dusk to get your money's worth. Probably a good idea to take Wednesday off while you're at it.

Wave over Adam's name above for email, or call 704-953-1757.

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Talk amongst yourselves: Flat-rate tickets to get into bars for all you can drink a good idea? A bargain? Or a rip? Post your replies. (Consider: New Year's Eve, overindulgence, tip not included, mystery beer)

Reach Bryan. All emails will be answered.

Fashion Your Seat Belt

Thankfully, I wasn't the only one not clad in all white for last Wednesday's White Party hosted by Elevate.

I was half-white, with no racial pun intended.

While yet another event to raise founder Steve Caldwell a little dough to benefit Kids First of The Carolinas, the matter was a first-rate mid-week excuse to iron your best linen, and find a million reasons to spill sauce on it.

The flat rate ticket earned the usual unlimited beverage and food selections, and a fashion show at dusk provided by Modern Salon & Spa.

Now, I don't like fashion shows, because skinny models really creep me out, and I find fashion altogether effeminate. But the evening's brief raucous atmosphere and a well-oiled soundtrack didn't have me feeling like turning in my man card.

Instead, I reflected on the city's past, and realized that we never would have had something like this five or ten years ago.

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The16th Annual Lake Bash, hosted by aqua-celeb Ronnie Stephens, will raft up at its usual spot on Lake Norman at marker D-5 starting at 1 pm on Saturday.

Expect this reporter to be present, but I won't be working. Somehow the attraction of over three hundred boats and fifteen hundred people might encourage me to lose something valuable like a digital camera or a certain nightlife notebook, chock full of goodness with your business card after over three years of this work.

Bring your own beverage, food, and well, just about everything else as I wouldn't expect Mr. Stephens to foot your bill, either (hot dogs will be provided).

Directions by land? Find someone who has a boat, and mooch like me. If necessary, call Ronnie at 704-905-3457 or 704-664-6147 or www.lknfun.com's Nate Davis at 704-953-8138 for additional information.

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Cans would like for you to know that starting Sunday, June 25th at 8 pm, they will begin offering what I believe is the only live karaoke in the city, accompanied by local fave Orange Crush.

As a fellow crooner myself, a chance to sing with a live band is intriguing, but not on a Sunday. It takes a PBR tallboy or two of liquid courage beforehand, and I'll be darned if I'm going to miss Entourage on a school night.

But if you'll hug it out with me, maybe I could be easily persuaded otherwise.

Reach Bryan. All emails will be answered.

Strike, They're Out

The recent demise of downtown's Angry Ale's and Hoops & Dreams wasn't surprising; location and adaptation, respectively, ran out the clock on these sports establishments.

Is our appetite for televised athletics fizzling like Bobcats' season ticket sales? Hardly. Ale's suffered from a geography handicap, where the desolate stretches of Church and 3rd were only populated during home Panther games. H&D never shook the stigma of its comparisons to an airport bar and a pesky nightlife writer who picked on its cheesy menu headings.

Picasso's Sports Cafe will replace Ale's, supposedly waiving the aforementioned location issue, while Verona Lounge will occupy H&D's former second story spot over the 5th and Tryon intersection. Picasso's East Boulevard location will be unharmed.

Other suggestions for H&D's old prime spot:

• Duty-free shop; they got that airport thing going for them.
• Storage for a creepy mannequin display, with all that glass up there.
• Free BB gun target practice--make your best spiderweb crack!
• Innovative satellite Charlotte-Mecklenberg police station, to detain the surly types in a drunktank while we peep.
• Blow out all that glass, and make it the city's largest tiki bar.

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Big Brothers Big Sisters of Greater Charlotte cordially invites you to save the date on July 20, 2006 for an evening with aspiring heavyweight champ Calvin Brock at Cans from 6-8 pm.

I don't know the man, but he's awful pretty in his press release and I wonder how this "boxing banker" keeps that nose so straight. It almost makes me not want to hit him.

The event's interest is in recruitment; obviously, this organization's influence changes lives, but let's hope they leave the Little Brothers and Sisters at home while promoting their cause at a bar.

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While the University area teems with traffic and coeds, CarolinaNightlife.com is capitalizing on the sun with pool party dates at area apartment complexes.

I see no July dates, but a combination of bikinis, free drink and food, and a DJ would indicate that this coming weekend's first trip to Campus Connection may change that...if the bikinis show up.

I see no problem there.

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Grand Central celebrates its third anniversary on Saturday night with a little help from its friends at Lazyday.com where they'll buy your Bud Light from 7 to 10.

I've long preached this is the new Hut, for those who remember The City's Best Former Tiki Bar on College Street where eighties and nineties singalong ruled the day.

A good friend of mine calls it Satan's Lair, where its dark myths have dropped him all over the city in strange girls' apartments. Even the Number of the Beast on 6/6/06 left it unfazed.

Here's to many more.

Reach Bryan. All emails will be answered. Join his Myspace friends group...none of his real friends will sign up.

Hammer Mime?

Well, since you asked....

• If that was the real M.C. Hammer on stage last Thursday night, I don't know what concert I was attending. How could my girl Ashley, twelve more friends, and anyone else within earshot unanimously agree that he bailed? I watched gyrating dancers freestyle one of his songs, while listening to a voice track, and I was sober. Yet others (although alcohol-influenced) tell me he was spotted. An urban myth in the making? Either I'm right or we had sight angles at the stage worse than a scalene triangle. See postscript below.
• Congratulations, American Idol fans. You just voted in the worst winner in the show's history in Taylor Hicks. I have nothing against him personally, but consider that his personality, that herky-jerky delivery, and his trademark moptop do not convey over the airwaves. Instead, your new champ will deliver another rousing rendition of the blues, which you snoozed through before he got famous. His limited vocal range will wear thin as the Billboard charts, last time I checked, were not riddled with anything resembling the "Soul Patrol." Call me a homer, but I think you know who should have won.
• I presented a story idea to the Charlotte.com staff to simply write about whom I think are the five hottest female bartenders in Charlotte. It's a simple strategy, really: Pictures will be mandatory as I sell out to a page-click ratings smash. What do you think? Post a reply below or email me.
• More Speed Street: Reader email expressed some disappointing behavior by bounce staff at the area's greater clubs, and a close friend of mine actually complained of the predictable traffic inconvenience and the appalling concept that a beer was five bucks. Rather than whine, I say: Get in line. Capacity crowds...a free event...you'd think they were crotchety old folks waxing nostalgic about the good ol' days. Take a chill pill and hug it out; would you rather we return to the ghost town?
• Climbing the ranks for best bar, pound for pound, in the city (proven tenure a plus)? Jackalope Jack's in the Elizabeth area. Cozy amenities like private booths and the torch-lit front deck, shuffleboard, billiards, karaoke, and an appreciation for casual attire (I once wore a swimsuit in there) merits little adverse criticism.
• Press releases: Fourth annual Y'allternative Rockfest Friday & Saturday, June 2nd & 3rd in the parking lot between Amos' Southend and The Gin Mill, two day pass for $15 (www.etix.com) or $10 at the door. Twelve band set includes Shadowflag and DMB cover band Two Step. Hard to beat the price... Info: meckdeckproductions@hotmail.com.
• 5th Annual 1st Ward Summer Kickoff Party Saturday, June 3 from 4-11 at Tivoli, 770 N. Davidson. $20 provides food, beverage & entertainment (DJ JD). Proceeds to benefit Kids First of the Carolinas.

Reach Bryan, who reports the M.C. Hammer Houdini act under confident observation, but stands ready for the abuse with some solid photography. He'll post a retraction next week, if necessary, with the reliable evidence. Join his Myspace friends list!

Takin' it to the Speed Streets

We were not in competition, but I think my tailgate trumped Saturday night's Nextel All-Star Challenge.

Organized for the second year in a row, fellow drinking buddies' attendance quintupled last year's headcount and extended our tailgate hours, along with our waistlines, thanks to coolers of cheap beer.

What began as a last-minute excuse last year, one car of diehards now blossomed into a four-car convoy to Lowe's Motor Speedway, and a pre-purchased block of some of the cheapest seats available. Admittedly, it wasn't about the race, which ended up an afterthought.

So while Jimmie Johnson soaked himself in a victory here that's become patterned behavior, we preferred the refreshing shower that pushed back race times and forced us under tents and SUV trunk lids.

Race fans threw chicken bones. We threw bean bags at Cornhole, the latest tailgate craze. They listened to the Red Hot Chili Peppers perform an abbreviated set. We listened to four hours of commercial-free XM radio, and danced in the grass.

The Challenge has its flaws. Interruptions between the heats are a buzzkill, and the shortened segments leave little room to allow a driver to adapt and recover. Plus, every race every weekend is an all-star event, anyway.

It's a meaningless competition except for the million dollar payday, so I say make them prove they're a better driver (and athlete, or so they say), pure and simple. Suggested concept for my "NEILSCAR" All-Star event:

Segment one: Two laps in tricycles, chugging a beer every time they pass go, with a pit stop on lap two to change the big tire. Ah, Revenge of the Nerds comes to mind.

Segment two: One lap three-legged foot race, with their crew chief in tow. Yes, I realize it's a mile and a half, but they're athletes, remember?

Segment three: Seed the field according to the results of the first two, and give 'em go-karts for an all-out five lap race, with wrecking encouraged.

Now tell me you wouldn't pay for that. Actually, you may not have to; we were never ticketed at the gate this year.

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There's never been a better cornball lineup for this week's Speed Street stage events; if M.C. Hammer, REO Speedwagon, Twisted Sister, Stephen Pearcy (formerly of Ratt), and somebody called Your Mama's Big Fat Booty Band doesn't entice you to attend a free concert, then show up for nothing more than the bags of free useless crap you can swipe from participating sponsors.

A year's supply of Advil was welcome, but the travel-size deodorant sold me on why not to buy their product.

As I recently reported on the demise of the CityFest street concert series (moving to the N.C. Music Factory on the other side of downtown), this is your alternative. Lose the striped shirt and the usual urban pretenses; an opportunity presents itself to let your hair down.

Well, maybe just a little dab of gel will do.

Reach Bryan. Join his friends list on Myspace. Other suggested NEILSCAR events? Post a reply.

Cat Fight

Here, kitty kitty.

In the land of Panthers and Bobcats, a different kind of feline is stalking its prey. Watch as the elder female observes from afar, a twinkle in her eye, a slight crook in the corner of her mouth as her pulse quickens with the sight of perhaps the night’s first kill.

She attacks not with her claws; she’s armed with her checkbook.

In the dating game’s latest ironic twist, it’s the women getting the last laugh as the sophisticated, forty-something gal, either fresh off her divorce or buried in her career, is scooping up the twenty-something male for a little no-strings fun.

Adopting the phrase “cougar hunting,” its origins appear to be purring in the Manhattan bar scene, perhaps influenced by the ladies of “Sex and the City” fresh off its recent series finale.

Think: “Samantha, I’d like to introduce you to the cast of ‘Entourage.’” Or Demi’s playful assault on Ashton.

What used to be reserved for the silvery-haired gentleman, trading up his significant other for the younger model, is a confident lass who’s showing a little age, often surgically enhanced. She’s sporting that cleavage-bearing leopard skin top, a reward for the two hours a day she’s recently spent in the gym.

And she’s not interested in a relationship, thank you very much. She’s doing just fine, and as a cougar, hunting big game is her sport. The young cub, intrigued by the opportunity to experiment with experience, finds her maturity a refreshing alternative to the exhausting effort of peer dating. She just offered to buy him a drink, to boot.

The web has embraced the concept; a sponsored link on Google, www.idateacougar.com, runs its own message board tribute. Other sites like http://www.urbancougar.com/ even “scientifically” catalog the species into a phylum and a genus that equates the girl to a specific make of car.

Even her prey usually meets stereotypical classifications: The Junior Banker, The Frat Boy, The Friend’s Younger Brother, and in a classy appreciation of our understaffed border patrol, The Latino Gardner.

The cougars stalk our streets. They take prisoners. Welcome!

Without further adieu, several stops on the Urban Crawl offer the opportunity to stalk the respective parties, usually huddled in the masses for safety. Best bet? Go alone. And be afraid. Be very afraid.

Zink. This Harper’s-based concept, usually hosting the proverbial “girls’ night out,” tucks a respectable bar area behind its outdoor Tryon Street side patio. Even lazy weeknights bring out the after-work crowd, already dressed to impress. There are no bachelorette parties here—remember the age requirements—these girls come to play.

Village Tavern. SouthPark’s legendary outdoor concrete deck, oblivious to time, still puts hundreds on the terrace for weekly live acoustic, contemporary cuisine, and martinis. The safe, corporate crowd alone is an easy mix of the age gap primed for a cougar’s delicacy.

Capital Grille. Adjacent to Zink, the home of the best filet mignon in Charlotte also boasts one of the most exclusive bars in the city. Expect vice president-quality cougar and the junior exec that has no idea that his loosened tie and crumpled sleeve cuffs just made the pack squirm.

Mac’s Speed Shop. This lunchtime barbecue joint near South End makes no mistake after hours with a biker bar appeal just tawdry enough to attract even the “Trans Am;” urbancougar.com’s cataloging of the cigarette smoking, stone-washed Monday night barfly. Or, to borrow a buddy’s phrase, “trailer park hot.”

Blue. The hands-down frontrunner, accentuated by its weekend jazz, is quite simply the cougar mecca. There might as well be a room full of gazelles with Buckhead Saloon’s overflow potential. Owner Alex Myrick’s refined appeal, and his mean harmonica skills, create the perfect harmonious environment for the catty pursuits.

I’m in my thirties; although not immune to their pounce, I’d like to think this column passes the torch. Good luck, boys.

Reach Bryan. All emails will be answered. Join his Myspace friends list.

Drinko de Mayo

Taking this photograph was breathtaking; I swear I could have swept my hand on the horse's hide, while watching my money horse bringing up the rear.

Saturday's annual Queen's Cup Steeplechase, the region's complement to the upcoming Kentucky Derby, could not have gone better. The two and a half mile course, a grand display of turf and rolling landscape, literally dripped in sunshine and lived up to "fire ant-free" as advertised.

For Urban Crawlers, it was all about the Crest, an elevated tailgate for the poor man enjoying nearly a complete circumferential view of the course (the horse's ran two laps per race) for oh, about $125 per parking space.

Our two kegs of beer, a gas grill, and a circumferential view of the lovely ladies clad in their best spring gear (those hats were atrocious, though) was well worth the money I didn't spend. I was fortunate to accept an invite--from my accountant Jim Powderly--on his sponsored investment.

As usual, the odds were not in my favor; I had no horse in this fight all afternoon, and parted ways with about fifty bucks that could have subsidized one of those kegs.

By day's end, a perfect farmer's tan, a loss of beer count, and grass stains on my linen pants was all I had to show.

They'll be clean by next year.
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Although Cinco de Mayo's ill-timed Friday event may be overshadowed by the usual weekend crowds, there's still plenty of opportunity to celebrate this Mexican holiday while the country stews over illegal immigration.

Recommended celebrating:

• Lazyday.com bar crawl (aren't they always worth it?) starts at Dixie's 7:30 pm.
• Cantina 1511 (East Blvd.), which was featured last year. Parking lot is roped off for Simplified (live entertainment), post-show DJ, giveaways every half-hour.
  
• La Paz (South End) Mexican Olympics, parking deck rooftop live band (Special Purpose), $3 Corona, 16 oz. Bud Light, $3.50 house margaritas, $4 Cuervo Gold shots
• Salsa's (6676 Carmel Rd) This irresistable little hideway in Carmel Commons shopping center will stay open late, offer a DJ, and well, has some of the best salsa I've eaten here. $12.99 Mexican beer buckets, $2.25 individuals, $2.99 Cuervo margaritas.

I can't guarantee that they're all staffed with legal aliens; I don't really care. Do you? Post your response.

Knightly Therapy

Only Thirsty Thursdays provide me the incentive to traverse to Fort Mill for Charlotte Knights' games anymore; cheap beer trumps the mileage and political issues currently surrounding the team's land swap proposal to move to Center City.

On these special evenings, the $2 twelve ounce canned rotgut tastes a little better in contrast to the usual five spot draft. That'll get you a pair on this special evening, leaving a single to tip the nice lady from Band Boosters. For the record, I select the Pabst Blue Ribbon in lieu of Miller High Life or Natty Light.

The games have never been about wins or losses--I couldn't even begin to tell you a single player that's ever played here--it's the company I keep. Viewing games from the mezzanine area, the boys and I have scrutinized relationships, evaluated the legality of young female patrons, and measured our manhood in Seinfeld trivia.

Bring twenty bucks. Eight gets you through the door ($2 parking, $6 general admission) leaving the net proceeds available for the aforementioned Thursday home game offer.

That's the kind of deal worthy of a Crawl plug. Any other day, I don't wanna play. Get the Knights back to Charlotte.
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The surplus of bar crawls aren't usually newsworthy, but Lazyday.com's Golden Ticket event this Friday, April 28th, reminds me of the recent Willy Wonka remake and the American Idol receipt clutched in the fingers of a Hollywood-bound applicant.

A meager admission fee (free for ladies, $10 guys) waives cover charges at five downtown destinations mostly reserved for the college crowd (Dixie's, Buckhead, Grand Central, et al.) but since when did most of them charge cover anyway?

$3 SoCo's and lime and $2 Bud selections are the featured drink selections while revelers pull a ticket at each stop for various prizes highlighted with a Sony digital camera by evening's end.

Email RSVP's to info@lazyday.com.
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An upstairs beer at Connolly's recently afforded me the pleasure of meeting my friendly site rival Tonya Jameson of the Observer's "Paid to Party" feature. It was bound to happen; I'm surprised it took as long as it did.

Sporting her mohawk, this funky chick tirelessly works a slightly different beat, and I envy her ability to devote herself to Charlotte nightlife full-time. Instead, I'll hit the salt mines of the financial field tomorrow after wrapping up this blog at 11:30 pm.

We have discussed a cross-promotional effort in the near future, and explore an alternative point/counterpoint approach that meets our mutual interest.

I'd consider the mohawk, but I'll blame the widow's peak on my forehead as non-cooperative. Besides, it doesn't go very well with business casual.

Reach Bryan at charlottenightlife@hotmail.com. All emails will be answered.

Lean Legs and YAM

The Best Third Friday of the Month Summer Happy Hour starts again at 6:00 pm on April 21st, courtesy of the Young Affiliates of the Mint's (YAM) rooftop access to the Mint Museum of Craft and Design at 220 N. Tryon downtown.

This fundraiser, a chapter of the organization's continuing philanthropy, attracts a scene similar to the picture at the left, and offers this blogger a shot at helping the reader decipher his crappy Dr. Seuss headline.

For twenty bucks, nonmembers are treated to unlimited alcohol (limited beer and wine) and local cuisine, while it lasts. The scenery, whether you appreciate a skyline, fine art, or tanned flesh is subject to the individual palate.

Membership, on the other hand, is a mere sixty dollars a year, offering discounted access to a slate of popular annual activities such as the Jazzy Ladies movie series on the Mint's front lawn (April 30) and the running of Derby Daze on May 6th.

For the uncivilized, this is probably not for you. But consider if it's worth cleaning up for participation in one of the city's largest organizations, already some five hundred strong.

Maybe then you'll see why I want to call it the Yummiest Adults in Mecklenburg.

Anybody have any better acronyms? Post your response.

CCA5, It's Good to Be Alive

Charlotte Center City Partners recently released its annual lineup for Center City Alive After Five, with confidence in a completion date for the Wachovia Plaza (2nd & Tryon) construction before the May 4th kickoff.

Timely work from the construction business? Two weeks ago, the entire grounds were erected in scaffolding, privacy walls, and construction debris. It'll take more than a Swiffer to get ready by early May.

As usual, the docket is littered with tribute acts like repeat performances from Slippery When Wet (Bon Jovi) and Zoso (Led Zeppelin). Other annual faves include The Swingin' Richards, The Voltage Brothers, and the Blue Dogs.

But do we really listen to any of them anyway? That fantastic backdrop of live music, no matter who it is, falls on deaf ears when getting a gander at the season's first crop of sundresses.

Admission is free, and beverages, well, aren't.
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After attending my first and only Checkers' game at the conclusion of the regular season, a 3-2 overtime win over the Columbia Inferno, the Arena's equivalent of Thirsty Thursday was nearly a bait-and-switch worthy of a car dealer promotion.

You see, not all the beers are $2.00; one must have happened upon the club section at the point of entry to be directed to the long lines for discounted Coors Light. It took the first $6.75 Bud purchase to adapt to the learning curve, only to have the club bar then "run out" after enduring a fifteen minute wait.

A problem that's rectified with simple signage, staffing, and service. Offer me a comparable alternative while standing awkwardly at the front; I'll consider myself a happy customer and rave about it in a nightlife column.

The Arena is gorgeous. So is the Checkmates' dance squad, braving that slippery floor during intermissions. But mid-week minor league sports rely heavily on you and me and our disposable income to enjoy cocktails after work with friends.

Let's get it right next year. I promise to go to more games.
********************

Sunday's flirt with warmer days to come peeled me away from my annual obsession with Masters' coverage. Answering the call of Lake Norman, a pair of cargo shorts and flip-flops barely exceeded comfortable in the chilly shade, but a handful of girly Blue Moon beers (with an orange slice, of course) at the Rusty Rudder trumped golf on TV any day.

The tiki bar is open, signaling a flare for the beginning of lake season, and as usual, I am grateful for the friends who invite me up.

The best boat ride ever? Any one that I didn't pay for.
********************

Speaking of the lake, Queen's Landing in Mooresville is the latest to experiment with a dueling pianos bar, moving in on the old Sarangoni's restaurant. Dubbed Jokers, the grand opening is 9 pm on April 22nd.

Charlotte's feeble run at it in the past (Rum Runners, Sam's Uptune Saloon) was a predictable demise for this successful franchise many have experienced at Crocodile Rocks in Myrtle Beach. The difference, however, is that a revolving tourist crowd never tires of the repeated performances of "Sweet Caroline" and "Piano Man." Ugh, one grueling night after night.

I've got to admit, however, I never balk at the interactive version of Three Dog Night's "Joy to the World," complete with an accelerating tempo and graphic hand gestures not fit to reproduce in this column.

But to the home crowd, the repeat business will dwindle, especially when subjected to the nightly college fight song contest, where the talent duo will each pocket several hundred dollars in tips just to have rival fans shut them up.

It's brilliant. It's also tired. But I'm glad to see 'em again.

Reach Bryan at charlottenightlife@hotmail.com. All emails will be answered.

April Stools

Saturday's Final Four blah-fest, unless you're a Gator or a Bruin, made me grateful for gold-rimmed goblets of Stella Artois at Stool Pigeons; I have an affectionate appreciation for the bar that served as my inaugural column three years ago.

Watching the games sequentially, a similar feat I accomplished in January for the NFL divisional playoffs, was ushered along by the nine Stella's, also poured sequentially.

Stoolies' has maintained a rather consistent approach, carefully eluding any association as a sports bar, but finds it difficult to delineate when surrounded by televisions carrying all the major sports packages. The menu is still a satisfactory selection of upscale bar food, having added interesting treats like sliders, pork shanks, and PBR chili.

They even walk out a dessert tray now. Seriously.

Not even the wind from the old Rhino Club spade fans could cool off the unexpected frustration of suffering through those two boring blowouts.

But for the record, I'll take UCLA tonight and the points.
***************
A full-feature Cans review, after the Observer's Tonya Jameson's P2P feature on Friday and my twenty minute wait in line Saturday night, will take a raincheck. Why?

The impending grand opening (Thursday night...Napoleon Dynamite's "Pedro" is back for another shameless cameo) notwithstanding, your patronage has made it nearly impossible to spend quality time with the staff thanks to an overwhelming early attendance.

Dragging my notebook inside, to be welcomed by some seven or eight hundred of you (or more?) was of little use when the credit card machines crashed, and the staff floundered to move product with cash only.

Instead, my fellow comrades ran interference and scribbled furiously on my pad the following:

"Cans girls love to show their cans!" An appropriate exclamation, but I saw none.
"I am disappointed by the lack of actual cans! My tongue longs for real -------. You would think a bar called Cans would satisfy!" Uh, shall we introduce her to the first gal?
"Please make sure you note that this place bites! It took 25 minutes to even get noticed at the bar then [sic] to get served!" Well, should she have showed her cans?

And on the last page, ironically, a poor sketch of a U. of Florida Gator. (I am a Florida State graduate. But yes, I am envious tonight. I lost my bet.)
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Folks who have missed their bangers & mash at Ri-Ra need only wait until approximately Sunday, April 16th, for the completion of the kitchen renovation. In the meantime, a catered menu of sandwiches and boxed salads fills in nicely.

Just add a Guinness to your order,slurp it with a spoon, and complete the soup-n-sandwich combo.
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Look for me at the finish line of the 10k at the Charlotte Racefest on Saturday morning, April 8th; presumably, I will be with a group huddled around a cooler. We've got to pull for one of our girls.

I abandoned this destructive cardiovascular activity in high school, and with good reason. I had a hard enough time filling out timely, and didn't need running to hinder my late pubescence on my girly little frame. Those skeletons that cross the line early really creep me out, anyway.

Email Bryan at charlottenightlife@hotmail.com.

Will Peter Piper Pick a Pickler?

The Urban Crawl certainly does not traverse the streets every night, as the allure of Tuesday's American Idol has--bear with me--captured my attention.

Typically, I'm good for the awful auditions that smatter us with freak shows and unnecessary drama ("You watch, America! American Idol can kiss my *&#!") as the dearly departed exit the premises. But something special, whether it's local "talent" (more on that later) or salty-haired blues singers that look like their back hurts when they sing, has me completely immersed in an office pool and a Wednesday morning water cooler conversation.

Allow me to step aside from the nightlife feature to offer my take on the top ten, and for entertainment purposes only, a shot at handicapping the field. As of the time of this posting, the 3/28 show has concluded for voting.

Bucky Covington (25,000:1) There's simply no way this bottom-feeder, with limited vocal ability, will escape the cut in the next week or two. His silly mike toss, the mid-song squat that looks like he passed uncomfortable gas, and a country music pigeonhole performance wouldn't even be the best singer on a Saturday night at the Yellow Rose.

Lisa Tucker (10,000:1) Who is she? Resembling wallpaper, we seem to forget her weekly performance, and her age (16) pushes the maturity barrier for the demands of an Idol winner. A lack of stage presence doesn't help, and her recent rendition of "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson should do her in on whatever week Bucky doesn't go.

Ace Young (5,000:1) Already having been threatened to be sent home in the bottom three, his smoldering good looks simply do not mask his cheesy song-concluding icy stares (enough of that, already) and poor song selections. Although he sits in the top ten, the production crew probably offered a gentle nudge to the judges to consider his contribution to the ratings.

Elliott Yamin (750:1) Until last week's departure of Chicken Little, he's the least attractive contestant, with slight improvement after losing the leprechaun beard. The military-grade haircut and a train wreck of teeth won't overcome his decent lyrical ability, and he needs to overcome the hip-hop delivery his body conveys despite a different song theme.

Kellie Pickler (250:1) America's sweetheart survives even this long only on her ditsy demeanor and blonde locks, because her wooden delivery and basic country ability couldn't even win in Charlotte's "Gimme the Mike!" contest on WSOC-TV last year. Also, she's the target subject of www.votefortheworst.com, a website that mocks a contestant and encourages her vote. It didn't work long for Kevin Covais, but he wasn't hot like her, so she might crack the top five.

Taylor Hicks (30:1) The last five candidates are a tight race of talent, and will hopefully be the remaining five in weeks to come. Taylor is a professional recording artist, and perhaps his snowy hair already exhibits the signs of a man on the road. Two weeks of unimpressive performances has his star falling rapidly, and honestly, although you enjoy his stage antics, do you want a blues artist clutching the trophy?

Mandisa (20:1) The pool's second-best voice has almost rendered her weight, a subject of Simon's ridicule, as moot. But the hyprocisy of Hollywood, and the viewers of the show, probably won't elect this diva despite the uncanny victory of Ruben Studdard over Clay Aiken in season two.

Paris Bennett (10:1) This sparky little fireplug, a 17 year old from Georgia, consistently delivers a top-notch performance, and arguably occupies the spot formerly held by Taylor. Astonishing diversity in her performances, and perhaps the best stage presence of the bunch, might make her the dark horse. Contrary to Lisa Taylor, this teen exudes the confidence of a star.

Katharine McPhee/Chris Daughtry (5:1) Too close to call, Katharine's effortless performances (I mean, she did Christina Aguilera!) and Chris' rocker bad boy shtick leave their audiences shrieking. Katharine doesn't have quite the force of Chris' assembly of past weeks' blowouts, but I think she's quietly positioning herself to emulate Kelly Clarkson like Simon once mentioned. Selfishly, she's also the subject of my secret crush, but I am also a rocker by trade. I'll take either.

Do you agree? Post a reply, or email me at charlottenightlife@hotmail.com. Back to the beers next time.

It's Humane Nature

The collegiate atmosphere of Dixie’s Tavern will embrace its fraternal instincts for Wednesday’s philanthropic effort, the Humane Society of Charlotte’s “Cocktails for Critters.”

For a measly five bucks, the booze lovers and the boxer lovers will enjoy $2 Coors Lights, $3 Estrella wines, and a complimentary appetizer buffet.

Even my five year old critter, a lab mix, would pass on a cheap Coors Light (I trained him well), but the event is simply too beneficial for the homeless stray to pass up. Consider the organization’s commitment to spurning euthanasia, and how your donation goes a long way to an extra bowl of food or a low-cost vaccine to save a lil’ fella.

**********

Having spent a good part of the last two weeks in the Wilmington/Wrightsville Beach area for the day job, one can’t help but observe the magnification of the distinct coed ratio very much in favor of the single male.

Perhaps the salty air and a little more sun enhances a girl who is likely either a UNCW student or a budding actress on a crappy WB drama, but gentlemen, it is a gold mine. Only Charleston reigns supreme.

Ladies, spare me the endless drivel of how hard it is to meet a man in Charlotte. This banking town is your mecca.

**********

Saturday’s celebration of St. Patrick’s Day pits the Carolinas’ two largest cities in a selection of festivals worthy of the Urban Crawl's hard-hitting, pound-for-pound scrutiny of fun:

Event

Charlotte Goes Green Festival v. St. Pat's in Five Points (Columbia, SC)

History

Tenth year v. Twenty-fourth, respectively

Did You Know?

1st year parade consisted of one Irish band with a bagpiper v. Inaugural rainout

Estimated Attendance

30,000 v. 30,000

Cost

Free v. $10

Musical Lineup

Red Herring Irish Band, Rince Na H'Eireann, Irongrass v. Tracy Lawrence, Saliva, Seven Mary Three

Distance

Future light rail ride away v. Oh, about a hundred miles

FAQ's

What is the price equivalent of a beer that costs an arm, and a leg? v. What is this lousy mustard-based barbecue sauce?

Seen

A gluttony of boot-cut jeans and striped shirts (see picture above) v. Beer guts that don't discriminate by gender

Heard

"Our striped shirts are gonna score us some chicks!" v. "I'm still living with my parents."

Having attended both festivals over the last decade, although satisfying the palate for both cultures alike, the nod goes to Columbia. Its battle-tested tenure offers both an advantage for the contemporary music fan that's worth the nominal entry fee. Budget-conscious attendees will appreciate the small business owner doling out cans of beer for a couple of singles, while munching on a similarly-priced gyro.

The short trip, as well as reasonable hotel pricing, is worth the quick overnight getaway. While paling in comparison to Savannah's mammoth effort, our friends to the south offer an excellent alternative to our annual downtown option, probably just a few years away from matching the bet.

My choice this year? The room's already booked.

New Year's Reprieve

January 3, 2006’s “New Year’s Peeve” blog entry, a full feature devoted to the debacle at South End Brewery’s annual year-end celebration, generated the most email response in my three year stint with Charlotte.com. One hundred percent of the reader replies agreed with my position, echoing the opinion that year nine was a year to forget.

Certainly, not all revelers were miserable, but the lack of any dissenting vote was a good indicator that many investors in the evening were not paid a fair sum of party consideration in return.

General manager Steve Vocke, a five year veteran of the restaurant and microbrewery chain, recently agreed to a brief interview to set the record straight. No, we are not getting refunds, but his sincerity was genuine and year ten has a plan of action set to avoid any repeat of this performance.

Questions and answers have been edited for brevity and clarity.

What went wrong?

It was like a perfect storm of people. Probably forty percent of our clientele were N.C. State fans. Ninety percent of them purchased tickets in advance and the other ten percent just showed up at the door.

How did they know about this event? Did your Raleigh location promote it?

Not a single bit. Not at all. I have no idea how they [N.C. State fans] knew about it. The Raleigh restaurant wasn’t advertising ours at all.

How many tickets did you sell?

925. Previous years it’s been 750. We got to 750 on Thursday before New Year’s and I said ‘Alright, we gotta figure something out. We’ve got a tent, and nine hundred would be perfect.’ And that was our goal. We got to 925 when people showed up without tickets and said they were with five other friends who already had tickets. What killed us was the overflow of people coming in that said they had reservations and we didn’t have any record of them at all.

What is the capacity of South End Brewery?

900 without tables. We were within our fire marshal occupancy. Total at the end of the night was right under 1100 [tent occupancy included].

When you co-sponsor an event such as this one with promoter John Lineberger, who is in charge?

John and myself. I take full responsibility for the night. John doesn’t control the staff whatsoever. All he does is emails and promotion. He has a huge database and was in touch with the Charlotte Sports Connection. We had no idea this party was going to be this big.

Was anything different in this year’s organization of the event that was different from years before?

Absolutely not. John and I have worked together for five years. I’ve only had one complaint in five years; one woman said we didn’t have closed captioning on the TV and she was deaf.

Were there any complaints that evening this year?

Yes. We dealt with one person on her way out and I gave her my card and we got everything straightened out. She was very appreciative of the call.

Were there any reported problems with staffing?

We had a hard time getting the bar stocked up. If I knew this was going to be a thousand person party, I would have added another bar, but honestly, I don’t know where I would have put it at that point. We’ve never had to deal with a crowd that size before.

Did you finally turn people away at the door?

Yes. There was one point early in the night, around 10:30, and I’m looking in to the restaurant, thinking, ‘we’re crowded, look out, and there’s still a line a football field long in the parking lot, and I’m thinking this is scary.’

Do you think the drink lines were too long?

Honestly though, you only want to serve so many drinks. I don’t mean that financially, but from a safety standpoint. Anytime you have an open bar situation, and people are going to drink as much as they want to, people get sick too early. To a point, you have to have lines. You’ve got to be responsible. You give people carte blanche ability to drink, and it’s dangerous.

Let’s talk about how you plan to prepare for next year. Are there any changes planned for admission?

We’ve already established an opportunity for people to purchase their tickets online. The phone calls, the calling to order your tickets, people saying they bought tickets and they didn’t buy tickets, that’s eliminated. People will print their confirmation and show it to us.

Restroom facilities?

We will add port-o-potties but I don’t know the exact location where it’s going to be. I want to make sure it’s convenient enough for everybody to get to but it doesn’t become a stinkin’ mess. We’re going to put up a heated double tent for the CIAA’s and experiment there.

Do you plan to sell a similar number of tickets?

Not at all. If we do a double tent we’ll consider 900. We might have seven bars and 18 bartenders. We’ll convert the entire pizza bar to serve drinks. Additionally, we might hand out some beers to people that might have to wait in line. We’re not going to do wristbands since we’re checking ID’s at the door.

"Cans"-Do Attitude

I've finally obtained the press release for the long-awaited opening of Cans Bar and Canteen in the refurbished Cotton Mills building in the Fourth Ward. Construction delays disabled their previous attempt at serving the public by January.

Although subject to change, keep an eye on this very column for any updates to a soft start on Wednesday, March 15th, and a formal dog and pony show on Thursday, April 6th.

Promising "old-school, laid back fun," expect an array of eighties and nineties music nostalgia (please spare us anything already accomplished at Breakfast Club), tabletop video games (you bring Galaga, you have me at hello), and college grub like mac-n-cheese and Spaghetti-O's.

Since their name emits no irony, the signature item is predictably their variety of canned beers, and this location will also be the first of its kind to brew its own. Compared to glass, canned beer usually has all the appeal of drinking out of a clay pot, but I'm intrigued to sample a fresh brew of their Light, Dark, Amber, or Belgian White.

A formal review will be forthcoming.

High scores:

Square footage: 12,000 (two heated floors and a rooftop deck)
Canned beers: Over 50
Ceilings: 17 feet (loft-style)
Location: #3 (Chicago, Milwaukee)

***************

Six years later and some six hundred strong, the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation's "Guys and Dolls Bachelor/Bachelorette Auction" was a smashing success, having raised at least six figures at press time.

Saturday night's event, hosted by the downtown Hilton, was dripping in Charlotte's finest talent, who paid as much as $85 each for unlimited booze and buffet. Fueled by the engaging Matt Harris and Ramona Holloway, WLNK's afternoon drive-time duo, the marathon event probably went about an hour past its prime.

Forty-six year old Charlotte firefighter Jim Dedmon played to about half a late crowd, but still amassed an impressive $1200 offer while wearing his complete gear.

Top bids were acquired by Fox Charlotte's Kelli Bartik ($3100) and Dean Pawlowski ($4000), a Metlife Auto & Home Project Specialist, who didn't hurt his cause by shedding a few layers of his tux at Ramona's gentle prodding. Or, perhaps it was the round trip to LAX to sit on the set of Grey's Anatomy (lead actress Ellen Pompeo is his sister).

Kelli went toe-to-toe by offering a guest spot on her Fox Got Game sports show, but it might have also been Matt's obsession with her derriere.

***************

Speaking of charity, the Fifth Annual "Beads for Needs" Mardi Gras celebration will be held at B of A's Founders Hall this Thursday, February 23rd at 6 p.m. Proceeds will benefit First Tee of Charlotte and the New Orleans Tourism Rebirth Fund.

Their website offers no explanation just what the $25 ticket ($30 at the door) guarantees the buyer other than admission, but I have some ideas just what they might not be telling you....

• 2006 Bobcats' playoff tickets (please tell me you get the joke)
• All-you-can-eat corn dogs!
• Busch Light Ultra out the wazoo
  
• A fractional timeshare in Gastonia
• Light rail tokens, but in Baltimore

Email Bryan at charlottenightlife@hotmail.com. All emails will be answered. Join his friends list at www.myspace.com/brneil.

Guys, Dolls, 'n Balls

With the weekend's festivities bookended by the Sports Connection's Guys & Dolls bachelor/bachelorette auction and the 5th Annual Bartender's Ball, my inability to score media passes so far has me considering minting my own cash.

Respectively, admission fees of $75 and $60 (in advance; any delinquency at the door will require an additional sacrifice of your pinky finger) are all-inclusive. But last time I pursued the flat-fee arrangement, an embattled South End Brewery was disgraced with a New Year's fallout that will be the subject of a future rebuttal piece.

The events are semi-formal. Gratefully, fellow Charlotte socialites generally adhere to the attire requirement, as opposed to some women in the workplace who now consider sweatpants and no make-up as business casual. If you elect to attempt a creative black tie, please do us a favor and seek anything other than a tuxedo t-shirt, anything Hawaiian, or anything previously worn by a rap artist. We get it, funny guy.

Enjoy the 35,000 square feet of party space before the Merchandise Mart completes its sale to the University Park Baptist Church in 2008. Their members will probably frown on this stuff, you know.

For additional information, contact:

• Sabrina Watt with the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation at swatt@cff.org (B&B Auction tix), or
  
• Steve Caldwell at steve@elevatecharlotte.com (Ball). Tickets available at http://www.bandtastic.com
  

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Thursday, February 16th, marks the grand opening of The Attic, the latest venture from the boys of Connolly's, Madison's, Tyber Creek--you get the idea.

Perched above Brick and Barrel at Tryon & 5th, its intimate setting is basked in Old World decor, five HD televisions, with subtle lighting to accentuate yet another investment in an ol' fashioned drinking establishment.

While wine and liquor selections are expected, owner Kevin Devin wants me to emphasize it's "all about the beer and shots." A full review will be forthcoming.

***************

Is anyone aware that the 2006 Guinness Toast is this Friday, February 17th? I've seen exactly zero press, and a visit to Guinness' website says nary a thing, laddy.

The marketing move is simply brilliant. It's the drinking equivalent of a Hallmark holiday invention (uh, Valentine's Day?) hawking the beverage more than anyone else, for that one day a year. Why not triple, or quadruple it up during the fiscal year?

Because no one cares about it anymore. Remember when you raised a glass and filled out that slip of paper with a fake name to help authenticate the World Record? Who counted all those things, anyway?

***************

Buried in my notebook are eight unused passes good for free weekend admission at Coyote Ugly Saloon. I'll pair them up into four groups; the first four to email me their mailing address with "Coyote Ugly passes" in the subject line can have a set.

Please, no repeat offenders and this writer makes no promise they're still legal tender. But hey, they don't cost you nuthin'.

Is the Guinness pour an overrated tradition? Bryan thinks so. Tired of waiting for ten minutes to get your stout? Post your replies. Email him at charlottenightlife@hotmail.com and join his new friends list at www.myspace.com/brneil.

Urban Brawl

What’s with all the late-night violence anyway? A tragic shooting at Liquid Lounge, reported incidents at the Disco Rodeo on Albemarle, Malibu Club on North Tryon, and Rick’s Cabaret on Old Pineville are seriously jeopardizing the right to enjoy one’s evening.

Before you check your maturity at the door and elect to settle your differences in a bar, take a chill pill, watch Dr. Phil, and go say something nice about your enemy. Leave us out of it.

My bio references my crime-fighting after dark, but I am not omnipresent. Even Spiderman has to sleep every once in a while, you know.

***************

While we usually embrace tax season with all the affection of an annual prostate exam, it is awfully kind to this nightlife columnist. As an independent contractor of Charlotte.com, I have no expense account. Accordingly, my business expenses are tax-deductible.

A shoebox full of receipts indicates another busy year on the Crawl, with bar tabs accounting for—you guessed it—research. For the record, 2005’s total checks in at $2,909, and that’s just what I can document.

Doing the math:

$55.94. Average spent per week, which seems low.

727. Rough estimate of total drinks purchased, at average $4 each. (I’m a cheap date.)

$1,000.00? Undocumented behavior, like cash tabs, Panther games, out of town trips, etc.

$0. Amount I will deduct for parking, due to crappy record keeping, with many thanks to those Bobcat games eating in to our prior garage freedom.

3. Other deductible expenses associated with this gig (internet service provider, mileage, Observer subscription).

I’ll let my accountant take it from here…

***************

Capitalizing on brisk business thanks to word-of-mouth (and, perhaps, a prior plug on this page) Loft 1523’s Adam Whalen is experimenting with a weekend DJ to freshen up the audio.

Adam’s a savvy young Wake Forest grad, but Loft’s cramped confines almost make it seem unnecessary. Then again, it works for Tutto Mondo…

***************

Hoops & Dreams is putting up drywall, and appears to be heading in the right direction with an interest in moving the projection screen to the back room.

Admittedly, I’ve been a bit vocal over the current display, which is blasted right on the drywall and obscured by every patron that walks in front of it. During the daylight hours, it’s nearly invisible.

It’s a terrible setup, and a waste of an expensive piece of video equipment. A sports bar should know better, but then again, “H&D” is probably better suited for pre-flight drinks at Douglas International Airport.

***************

On a lighter note, does anyone else notice that their Lazyday.com weekly emailer has a lot of exclamation points!! !!! !! !

It's a journalistic sin surpassed only by TYPING IN ALL CAPITALS. It's the equivalent of yelling, and it's worthy of breaking the copywriter's fingers. I don't need you to exclaim that Tyber Creek has $2 Guinness pints on Tuesdays!! !! (But the management probably loves the enthusiasm.)

Email Bryan at charlottenightlife@hotmail.com!! All emails will be answered!! Join my friends list at www.myspace.com/brneil!!!

Columnist 4 sale?

Madison's hosted the sixth annual "Guys and Dolls" bachelor/bachelorette auction kickoff party benefitting the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation last Thursday. A $5 cover scored two dollar Miller Lites, creating a win-win for the charity's philanthropy and fellow beer consumers alike.

The February 18th event is a spectacle of some of Charlotte's finest available talent subjecting themselves to the flattery, er, or mockery, of public bidding. I've never been, but patrons assured me the $75 advance ticket is well worth the investment for an evening of interactive reality, dinner, and unlimited booze.

(Writer's personal note: Guys, charity events usually bring out some of the city's finer Dolls, which seems to level the testosterone-laden playing field. It's a good idea to plunk down the cash and enjoy the temporary fifty-fifty ratios.)

Candidates' profiles and advance ticket/sponsorship information are available at the Guys and Dolls website.

Stay tuned; I may have been coerced into submitting myself for consideration.

***************
Crush reports that 2006 is all about a new "upscale urban professional audience" for its weekend crowd. Acknowledging its college bar influence, the email press release indicates that DJ Rham is on board, formerly of CJ's at the Adam's Mark downtown. The music theme will be a mix of current hip-hop, R&B, and old school.

College night is unscathed on Wednesdays, and a free pass is available at www.crushcharlotte.com/wednesday.htm.

Their pesky dress code is still in effect, having dedicated a section to it on their website, but I've generally observed that Charlotte's club patrons exceed it anyway. Neverthless, it takes just one redneck to spoil it for everybody.

The club's makeover, seemingly aimed at attracting back the professional crowd, has obvious incentive. We earn more, and therefore spend more. But I sense that until they reconsider their location adjacent the Westin, they are handicapped by their distance from Center City.

***************
While the floor is collapsing at Zink American Kitchen, the restaurant is taking a time-out to allow construction to repair the unusual circumstances. The predicted timetable to reopen the doors is February 10th.

Possible reasons for the problem, courtesy of your friendly neighborhood nightlife columnist:

• IJL developers ignored the haunting signals as they erected the building over an old Indian burial ground;
• Two words: Quicksand footers!
• Tectonic plate shift is alive and well in Charlotte, as we drift further and further away from Europe; and
• Blame it on Bush's cronyism; it's the target of everything else lately.

***************
As we rev up toward NASCAR's exhaustive season, Dilworth Neighborhood Bar & Grill will be hosting Project: HALO's Daytona 500 party starting at 1:00 pm on Sunday, February 19th.

As a dog lover myself, I'm in complete support of a no-kill animal shelter (it's how I found mine, my affectionate canine editor named Eddie). The event's tax-deductible $20 cover includes heavy appetizers, a silent auction, raffle giveaways, $1.75 Miller Lites, and $2.00 Buds.

The old Graduate's guts were ripped out and overhauled over a year ago, leaving them still on their feet with an upstate New York-influenced menu and spacious basement perfect for watching the race.

But as I reported in August, the building's future is no longer an issue of "if," but "when." Sources confirm that the new development group plans to raze the facility, including the fish market and other adjoining property, for a mixed-use development to occupy the entire corner of McDowell and Morehead.

Try their wings while you can.

Email Bryan. Join my friends list at www.myspace.com/brneil.

New Year's Peeve

What frankly is a tradition better spent embracing the company of your pals and loved ones at home, while ironically swiping my plastic for $59.07 for the 9th annual New Year’s Eve Party at Southend Brewery & Smokehouse (2100 South Blvd., 704-358-4677, www.southendbrewery.com), carved right at the heart of my very own credibility after historically shunning this option.

But friendships prevailed when we relieved the house party in favor of one of promoter John Lineberger’s “card” parties commonly sprinkled around town throughout the year. Individually named sponsors promised to publicize it through a word-of-mouth distribution, which wasn’t really necessary considering the event’s eight year history.

Billed as “Charlotte’s Best New Year’s Value,” the flat-rate purchase offered a predictable product of open bar (calls & top shelf liquor excluded), buffet-style food, DJ T-Nice, midnight champagne, and party favors.

What they failed to convey was that it would be... a... disaster. We were overcharged, they were overbooked, and the 9th annual Southend New Year’s Eve Party, my friends, was overrated.

Revelers were greeted with a thirty to forty-five minute wait in the chilly air while behavior was reduced to juvenile antics such as line cutting, a despicable and frustrating observation that was completely avoidable.

Reportedly, as many as one thousand tickets were sold (as conveyed by the intent of management at the time of my purchase; mine was #562 on Thursday, two days beforehand). It felt every bit of it. The restaurant’s horseshoe interior, reduced to a thin line of traffic at the front to navigate around the center brewhouse, bottlenecked both sides into a claustrophobic nightmare flanked by only two men’s and two women’s restrooms. The sidecar tent adjacent to the main bar was ineffective at alleviating the crowds that probably flirted with a fire marshal citation.

Watching the vultures (including yours truly) devour a small tub of boring domestic beers before a barback could even finish stocking it left the score at 12:30 a.m. in favor of Southend, who legally extracted my sixty dollars in exchange for a disappointing misrepresentation of the Best New Year's Value. Southend's popular homemade brews were not even reasonably attainable.

The food buffet, an array of meatballs, chicken wings, and fried chicken tenders, was hardly “lavish,” affirming that the party was pretty much worth the paper the promotional card was printed on.

A pro-rata refund of our money, although presumably mythical, is in order.

I wonder if ol’ Dick Clark, whose refreshing return to television was my evening highlight, would have even said a few things about celebrating his annual showcase under this duress.

But to Lineberger’s credit, he has been nothing short of a professional in prior engagements, and past parties have been worth the investment. To coin a favorite acronym, however, is appropriate: Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.

Some suggestions to keep the tenth anniversary free of critical review:

Will-call, no-go. Demand appears to have reached a level that organizers have the upper hand to insist on purchasing tickets, in person, in advance. Ticketed customers, like yours truly, waited the same time as A-L and M-Z. Ask the thousands of N.C. State fans who suffered a similar fate outside the Meineke Car Care Bowl this weekend.

Guns n’ butter economics. The party claimed eight straight years of a sellout. Lower the headcount, and raise the sticker price. The admission fee is not price-sensitive; consider that other events charge more.

No babies on board. Heavily staff the ID checks at the door and restrict access to 21+ only. Please do away with the clumsy, time-consuming need to strap a sticky paper band on my wrist that rips out my arm hair.

Free the beer. The bartenders are too busy to serve your “free” beer when enjoying the top-shelf tips; separate the suds to their own tub stations.

Johnny on the Spot. A handful of exterior portable toilets would have been appropriate, considering the long lines. Observed bathroom behavior, including visits from the opposite sex, cannot be reprinted here.

Stay home. Perhaps the party’s at my house next year?

Have a crummy New Year also? Post a reply or reach Bryan at charlottenightlife@hotmail.com. All emails will be answered.